ahh hell.
I just talked to my baby sister, spent an hour on the phone with her and I’m at a loss of how to help her.
If only it was with in my power to help her.

I am not wanting to play God, but I do so wish I could help her out financially and sisterly and just be there for her more than just a phone call to talk to and try to help over a hundred miles away.
It is sad and very hard for me to not be able to make it better for her.

 I pray, I pray religiously every day and sometimes more than once a day, to have my Lord guide me through the day, through the struggles and just through my life.
I prayed again for my sister.
I pray for all of them actually but I ache for her when I can’t help her and so badly wish I could.

wow I have to get out of this mood I am in.
I am depressed at my self for feeling this funky way that I just don’t care about anything today.
I of course do care about everything.
I sure wish I wasn’t at work but really if I was home, what would I be doing?
not like I have such an exciting life there?????

So I’m a thinking, I need to put my head on straight.
Find a quiet spot and talk to the Lord.
He can always get me back on track.
🙂

Mirielle is seven today.
Hard to believe.
Where has the time gone?
She came into our lives when she was 14 months old and it is odd that so much time has passed.
we have a birthday party tonight for her.
🙂

stagnant, that is what this is all about.
I’m going no where

I’m letting circumstances dictate where I am going in life instead of me taking the bull by the horns and saying “I’m doing this and if you want to be a part of who I am, you will follow me!”

ahh so much easier to act all brave then to take action and do what I know I should do!!!
you know the saying,  it looks good on paper!

 

and by the way for those of you who don’t know your movies, Gilbert is Johnny Depp in the movie “What’s eating Gilbert Grape?”
Leonardo DiCaprio was fantastic in that movie!!!!

this is the way I feel like I’m heading most of the time, I take two steps forward just to take one step back.

I guess my biggest problem is that  I am too impatient.
😦
I want what I want right now and do not want to wait!!!
it is frustrating!!!

I don’t want to wait and I want results yesterday!!!

I know it is the american way, to not be patient and to just be greedy and take what we can while we can get it.

not a very flattering concept is it?

I guess only I can change myself and the way my future folds out before me, right?

now just to take that giant step………..