Max is the tan/white one sitting behind the black mastiff.

I have to say this is so much harder than I thought it would be.

I hear him even though I know he isn’t there.
I regret every time I got short with him or told him he was driving me crazy.

I miss his golden brown eyes looking at me with love.

I know he is in dog heaven and is healthy and happy.

but I do miss him and I wish I still had him home with me.

Love you Max……

He really was a member of my family…….

love you buddy……

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My dog Max came in the house last night shaking.

I asked him what was wrong and he just wanted to be left alone.

minutes passed and his shaking got worse and he was breathing hard.
I called the vet who did not pick up the phone.

within thirty minutes of him coming inside he died.

his tongue turned white and he began drooling gray mucus

I tried comforting him but in all honesty watching him have the seizures was horrific.

He did  lick my fingers about midway through the entire ordeal

I think he knew he was dying the moment he came into the house.

He didn’t want anyone to touch him and he wanted to be by himself.

He did try to walk once but couldn’t.

I bawled and bawled.

My poor Maximus.

RIP buddy.

this was him when he was first born.  He was probably three months old

this photo was taken back in February

Max was 3 years old.

I can’t ever see myself getting another dog.
It just hurts too much to lose them.

  this was taken last February at my son’s house.

 kind of grainy since I took the picture from the computer, but this is the best picture of him.
Miss you buddy.

The first time I saw Mount Rainer I called it my mountain.

And while the people of Seattle may disagree with me, I still claim it as my own to this day.

I was there at the base of Mount Rainer in 1997, 18 years ago now.

I will have to return to it one day.

But in the mean time I love pictures of it looming in the background.

🙂

I am rather bored with face book and often think of deleting my account.

But every now and then someone puts something like the above information that I find interesting and think it should be posted for others to see.

If I gave up face book I would be giving up all the pictures my daughter puts on of her children.

that is the only reason I don’t delete my account.

well and if my eldest daughter puts something on I can see it too, but she rarely does….

I know, I don’t have to get on it every day.

😉

Depression is an evil force.

I believe it is the work of the devil.

I also believe I am the only one of my mother’s children who has not been on depression medicine.

Not that I am bragging, because I am not.

I sometimes think I need to be put on it.

But my depression usually lasts a day or two and I always figured it was around the certain time of the month so……..I let it slide.

People get me down sometimes.

Life gets me down sometimes

But I would not say I am depressed.

I woke up this morning trying to come up with a good enough excuse to not come to work today.

But I am here.

I prayed to God to give me the strength to endure the day.

I have eleven more years of this job

Eleven years, one month and four days to be exact.

I wanted to retire at 55, but that is going to be impossible with buying another house.

I maybe might be able to retire at 63 which is only 9 years, one month and four days from now.

But time will tell.

I just need to get into the mind set that this job is essential to my life and I have to endure it weather I want to or not.

There is no choice in the matter…

due to my sore throat this week, I don’t have a voice now.

or should I say, I have very little voice.

it is annoying.

I feel half way decent if I keep the Advil in me every  four hours.

if I let it lapse, then I start feeling really bad again.

I’m impatiently waiting for the woman who owns the house we want to buy, to get home from vacation.

she is flying back to Iowa next Friday, one week from today.

so hopefully things can move along quicker when she gets back.

I so want to be in the house by June 1st.

sooner if possible, but I am not sure it is.

I’m at work and it is finally Friday, thank God.

I say that like it  has been a long week when in all honesty the weeks seem to go mighty fast, unless you are waiting to move.

🙂

The only plans I have for the weekend are watching my eight month old Bailey tomorrow night for a good six hours or so while her parents and my son and husband and Bailey’s brother Aaron go to an in door football game in Cedar Rapids.

I need to get back on the diet too and get back to walking every day.

of course walking here would be better than where I walk at, but in 2 months I will be here walking this beach.

🙂

While I am at work I would love to be home.

I am sick.

At first I thought it was allergies but now I have a bad sore throat so that makes me think it is a cold.

Ugh.

I suppose it could still be allergies.

All I know is I am very tired, have no energy and am dealing with this sore throat.

😦

of course this cold weather isn’t helping matters at all……..

6 weeks from today school will be done.

I wish it was tomorrow.

yes I work harder in the summer time but the kids here are very rowdy and disrespectful.

and it will be so nice to clean something and have it stay cleaned.

that is a huge plus in my book.

another thing I have to learn to do.
I have to force myself to not walk in the door here at five am.

I need to get back to getting to work at six.

it is hard to do as I like cleaning when no one is here and a woman comes in every day at six thirty so I like to at least have her section done before she walks in the door.

I REALLY hate waking up at three thirty or four though.

it’s time to let this weary body sleep a bit later

But I can see myself getting up at three fifty tomorrow morning just because I am use to that time now.

sigh….

I’m tired

Crap here, crap there, crap crap crap everywhere!

I have been going through things to get ready to move.
Man do I have a lot of crap.

I have a lot of stuff,  a lot of things that I don’t need and rarely use.

Yes I am going to have to downsize even more.

Why you may wonder since I am moving to a bigger place?

Simply because it doesn’t make sense to move things when I don’t use them now.

I downsized A LOT when I moved from our four bedroom house to this apartment.

Now I just want to downsize so I don’t have to move it all…….

I wish I could just wiggle my nose and it would all be done.

🙂

 

so since we are going to be buying a house I have resigned myself to the fact that I will be working till I am 65.

I could easily retire next year but with my IPERS I would only be bringing home a little more than $500 a month.

that just isn’t enough.

the longer I work the more I will have at retirement through IPERS, and in case some of you don’t know what IPERS is, it is a retirement fund for people who work for the state in Iowa.

I work for the school district which in turn works for the state of Iowa.

 

so I have eleven years to go.
I am not thrilled by that prospect but I know staying busy and working physically will be better for me health wise in the long run.

And I like spending money, so I have to keep working.

🙂