As I knew it would, the coronavirus has escalated since things have opened up

It is insane to me and so unnecessary.

People say it was necessary is necessary for things to open to save the economy.

Yeah well people are dying.

To me that seems like it is a hell of a lot more important.

I lost my nephew to this virus.

It is real and it is dangerous.

And it is just getting worse.

It is incredibly sad.

I will admit I don’t wear a face mask except to work when I am around the residents.

I hate wearing it and I feel like it prevents me from breathing well.
But if it saves one life, one elderly person or one of my grandchildren then that is worth it.

 

This country is going to hell in a hand basket and I blame Trump for that.

God willing he will not win the election in November.

We need someone who needs and knows how to lead this country.

Trump hasn’t been nor ever was that person.

God willing.

 

I spent the majority of my day with my 18 month old grand daughter.
it was pure delight.
I haven’t seen her since Sunday and it was so very wonderful to have some time with her.

She is starting to talk more and she is so funny and smart.
She along with the other five bring me such joy.

Being Nana is one of the most wonderful things I have in my life.
They truly are my gifts from God.

🙂

It is eleven thirty pm on this Saturday night.
The house is quiet.
All are sleeping except me of course.
I think my body has gotten so use to being up all night from working third shift that I find it hard to sleep when I am off.

But alas…..I work the next four nights after tonight so…..

This is my big week.
I work six out of the seven days this week.

I hate the long week but I think working is good for me so I enjoy it and know I feel better physically when I am working.

There was a lot of bumming on these few days off.

I can even admit to being bored a time or two.

NOT because there wasn’t things to do but more that the things I could have done or should have done, didn’t appeal to me.

I want to be outside.

Today was decent, about 35 degrees warm enough to wash all the gunk off of my car.

It is nice and clean again.

But not warm enough to be out working in the yard.

 

Had Brian’s little birthday dinner.

Which was nice.

The only one missing was Paula but she will be here next weekend and they will all get together then.
I probably won’t join them as I will have to work both Friday and Saturday nights and will need sleep before I go to work.

But we shall see.

Maybe I can get away with not sleeping before I go in on Saturday night.

The five younger grandchildren are here all sleeping around me.

🙂

Anyway they are having a little party of sorts, next Sunday when Emily gets her hair shaved off.

Her hair dresser suggested they do a big deal about it with friends and her kids if she wants.

Paula will go and I will probably too.
Just to take pictures and have them for her to remeember the occasion by.

I think shaving her head for surgery is going to be a pretty big deal for Emily.

I am quite sure she hasn’t let the full impact of all of this hit her just yet.

But once her head is shaven, it will.

 

I suggested she buy a wig but she thinks they are too expensive but I will help pay for one if that is something she decides to do later on.

It is hard to say how long it will take her to grow a full head of hair back.

Adam bless his heart, it going to shave his head too just so that they can go through it together.

Ten days from today is her surgery.
Actually ten days from today she will be out of surgery and in ICU for the night and God willing it will all be well and she will do fine.

I won’t lie, I am a bit worried but I know I have to put it in God’s hands and He will do what He thinks is best.

I hope and pray He believes Emily is needed to see her children to adults.

I can’t imagine a life without her in it and I don’t ever want to.

I never want to outlive any of my children or grandchildren.

I don’t know that I could do it.

Oh deep down I know I could, I just don’t want to.

And God willing I will never have to.

 

My aunt Loretta became a horrible alcoholic when she lost her son Jerry in 1974

Who died at twenty one from getting hit by a truck when he was on his motorcycle.
And then eleven years later one of her daughters was murdered by a man who she had been dating but broke up with.

And then she lost a daughter to cancer, 2 actually and another son to a heart attack.

All before my aunt passed from this earth.

It would be horrific to have to survive losing a child, not to mention her losing five of the ten she had.

I hope I never have to endure that.
And God willing I won’t.

 

Anyway I don’t mean to be morbid or think of death or even write about it.

It is just on my mind with Emily and I hope it will all be fine.

My life is pretty damn good just the way it is and honestly I don’t want any of it to change.

Sure I could have more money and be thinner as I always say.

But both are a work in progress.

I am a very blessed woman and I know it.

 

Am I being tested?
Is the good Lord putting my faith to the test?

Is this even about me?

I got some troublesome news today.

Something I can’t share until I have more information.

Something that I keep praying and praying to the Lord about since I heard about it.

I have complete faith in God.

I believe whatever happens will not make my faith for Him sway one bit.

I do believe with all of my heart that God is in control and anything He puts before me I can handle because I know He will be there with me.  Carrying me through if need be.

I don’t want this bad news and I don’t want one single thing in my life to change.

I have always felt so blessed and grateful for all of the blessings God has given me.

I have even said I am unworthy of all the blessing He has graced me with.

But again is this even about me?
No doubt about it, if this turns out bad it will affect me like nothing ever has before.

I’m not sure how I will live through it.

But again, I know I will get through it because God is with me.

At this moment in time all I can do is hope and pray.

And God willing it will all turn out fine.

So I will keep praying and put my faith in My Lord.

 

It is ten thirty, and I need to go to sleep but it alludes me.

My brain will not stop thinking.

It won’t close shop for the night so I can sleep

I just took some sleeping pills, over the counter Unisome.

So hopefully within the next hour or so I can fall asleep.

 

The Death Ghost has been bothering me tonight as well.

It hoovers over me.
Once it even loomed at my face and scared me

Not sure if this means the Death Ghost is coming for me or someone close to me.

Sigh.

Maybe it is because My life is going so well I fear death for someone because I don’t deserve all of this happiness and good fortune.

The Lord has blessed me so much more than I deserve.

However or why He has blessed me with so much is so hard to tell.

He knows my heart and He knows my sins.

And still He blesses me with so much.

I am unworthy.

On a different note my sister Linda would have been 63 today had she lived.

She died ten years ago.
Or it will be ten year this October.

She was so very young

 

Yesterday I had the day off of work to go and do my testing for becoming a CNA again.
A certified nursing assistant.

I was so nervous when I first got there that I felt like I could puke.

I took several deep breaths and then I prayed to my Lord to guide me, to work through me and to help me get through the entire thing.

And a calm came over me and I knew I was going to do alright.

Oh of course I had a small bit of doubt.

I felt if it was something that was meant to be then God would see me through it.

Doing clinicals which was part of the test, it is doing things for a mock patient and having someone watch your every move and grading you on it.

To me that is just as bad as getting up in front of a classroom of people and giving a speech.

I am not comfortable with any of it.

But as I said, I felt God was with me, within me and helped guide me to a successful outcome.

In every aspect of my life I know God is with me.

Sometimes I feel it stronger than other times.

Yesterday I felt it very strongly.

I am very blessed and undeserving for all of my blessings.
But for some reason the Good Lord always has my back.

I am very grateful.

 

Dear Lord, we sure do need your help here on earth.
What is going to stop the need people have to do mass shootings?
What do we need to do to prevent this sickness.

Innocent people die due to someone with mental problems or some other problem that they take out on others.

It hurts my heart so deeply that people think they have the right to kill someone else.
Let alone strangers at a Walmart.

God we sure do need your help here on earth.
And we need it badly.

Amen

Well we had our Thanksgiving with our children and their families last night.

Everyone was here by six thirty and they were all gone by eight thirty.

We had Turkey with dressing, Ham, mashed potatoes and gravy, home made cranberry sauce from our eldest daughter Paula, scalloped corn, green bean casserole, rolls and pumpkin pie, and or chocolate cream pie (for my grandson as he doesn’t like pumpkin pie)

It was a bit insane eating all of that so late at night but it is the only time that worked for all of my kids.

They will go to their spouses Thanksgiving dinners on Thursday and I will be at work from 6 till two that day.

So this was our only time to have our Thanksgiving.

I suggested we just not have it at all this year but the kids vetoed that.

 

So anyway that is done for another year.

I didn’t take any pictures because my kids tend to object to it so I will wait and do that on Christmas Eve.

Any hoo….we have tons and I do mean tons of left overs.

And anyone who knows me knows I am not a bit left over person.

I will eat some, but definitely not days and days of it.

 

On another note I am staying at my youngest daughters house while her family of five go to Minnesota to spend with her in-laws.

To house sit and watch her dogs.

I do have to work on Thursday as I mentioned and Saturday and Sunday 6 am till 6 pm, but when I am not working I will be dog sitting.

Which will mainly be at night tonight, tomorrow night, all day Friday and we shall see about Saturday night.

Emily seems to think they will be home on Saturday.

🙂

If you had one wish, only one, what would it be?
What would that one thing be that you want above all others?
Living to be a hundred?
More money then you knew what to do with?
Being a successful novelist?

Bringing back a loved one?

Right a wrong you once made?

What would that one wish be?

I understand that it would take a lot of thinking to come up with that one thing.

But if I had one wish,  just one~ it would be that my four children and their spouses and children and my husband Rick, would know and love the Lord Jesus Christ as much as I do, and know that only through Him, will they have everlasting life.

All the money in the world will not bring my family and loved ones closer to God and His Son.

Righting wrongs from the past definitely wouldn’t do it.

Being a successful novelist or anything else being successful at…..would not bring them closer to Our Lord.

That is my one wish.

I pray nightly that God help me find the words to teach and talk to my children, husband and grandchildren, to work through me to bring them all closer to Him.

Only through God and His Son will they live in Heaven one day.

God willing, one day I will be able to help them find the way…..

 

God bless all those fire fighters who are working every day on to put out the fires in California.

God bless all fire fighters but the ones who are in California right now are not getting much if any breaks from fighting those horrendous fires.

I know, every fire fighter works hard, but according to the news on ABC this morning, the firefighters who are working in California are working twenty four seven with little to no breaks.

It is horrific.

God bless those who are losing their homes, who have lost loved ones and for those who have died in those fires.

What a horrific way to die.

my heart just aches for them all.