my son Brian is 34 today.

I find that hard to believe and the time goes by so fast.

I am very proud of the man he is, as I am proud of all my children.

Brian is the most like me though.

Emily is too but I think Brian is a bit more like me.

He is the only one of my kids that gives hugs every time I see him

the other three are rather stingy with their hugs.

Happy Birthday son (this photo was taken at Fort Myers Beach in Florida in July 2014)

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what is the best of me?

my children and grandchildren

when they hurt I hurt, when they do something that is really dumb, I cringe with the pain it will one day cause them.

my grandchildren are all innocent children and I want nothing more than for them to be happy and healthy their whole lives through.

my youngest son is getting divorced.

his wife has decided she doesn’t want to be married to him any longer

I will not say it is all her fault because I know it isn’t.

My son is his father’s son too, and they are a lot a like in a lot of ways.

No I’m not perfect and have never claimed to be, no one is, however my son and his father sometimes have a hard time admitting they could be wrong.

at any rate, the divorce is going to happen and I ache for my two grand daughters who are 8 and 6.

I hope and pray their parents can be civil and the divorce isn’t too hard on the girls.

God willing they will pull through it with little or no damage done to their little spirits.

Keira will take it harder than Kayla, because Kayla is a happy-go-lucky, I can accomplish anything type of girl.
Keira is a worrier, and will take things very personally.

Keira is the oldest of the two.

Keira doesn’t have Kayla’s confidence.

but I hope and pray they will both be fine with their parents decisions.

we have been struggling with internet issues all week at home.

yesterday it finally died on us.

I called Mediacom and someone is supposed to come out today to look at it.

I don’t realize how much I am on the internet and or how much I miss it until I can’t have it.

 

ahh the spoiled things in life that I once lived with out that I don’t think I can now.

🙂

 

 

things change on a dime.

one can believe things are going great and then suddenly someone flips a switch and it all is different.

or they know something has been brewing right under the surface but believe with planning and time things will be fine.

nope, nada, not likely.

things change.

People change and you can’t do anything about it.

you definitely can’t make people do what you think they should do.

it’s painful……….

I have the crud.

a cold and aching everywhere.

I do think I am on the down ward slop to getting better however I am sick of being sick.

and to top it off I hurt my back first thing this morning here at work.

ugh……..

seems like it is always something with me……

so I have decided to  try my hand at going back to school.

first I am going to re-take the 75 hour nurses aide course to become a nurses aide again.

if this goes well and I feel like I can tackle it, I hope to go to nursing school.

I’m 53 and while a part of me thinks I am too old to go back to school, the other part of me thinks, you are only too old Marge when you are dead.

I hate my job and I am very tired of cleaning up after other people.

so in going to nurses aide school I can go back to being a nurses aide.

I need to do something different.

and this is the time to do it.

yes I will be well over 55 by the time I get out of school if I go to be a nurse.

But that is at least ten more years of working before I retire at 65 and maybe I will just work till I’m 75?

 

I don’t know if going to college is the right answer, but I feel like at least getting my nurses aide certificate again is a step in a positive direction.

Classes go from March 16th through May 1st.

and I have already signed up and paid the fee to take the class.

here’s hoping it leads to brighter things.

🙂

I’m having a yuck day.

ugh.

I feel like I want to run away from myself and find something new and interesting to do with my life.

and while I try and remind myself that I am very fortunate in so many ways, I still feel this yuck and wish I could bury my head in the sand for a while.

I know it is the job more than anything else, but it is a few other little things too.

😦

 

 

 

if I had to choose between the ocean and the mountains, I’m not sure I could.
I love both so much.

and I love pretty pictures.

🙂