Archive for March, 2010


last day of March

hard to believe that is the last day of March.
Where did the month go?

it is amazing to me, how quickly time flies

the weeks seem to crawl while I am at work but really the days just fly by
Odd.
but it brings me closer to my little grandson who is coming in seven weeks.
🙂

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look at this above picture of Paradise

isn’t it beautiful

I love just starting at pictures of places like this

ugh, my back hurts.
I am really sick of dealing with this constant pain.

I know I need to stop lifting my grand daughters and last night I was moving bricks around for my brick patio that I am going to make in my back yard, so I know those two things alone has caused me to have this pain today.
But it is a daily thing
Yes some days are worse than others but it is always with me.
It gets old.

My sister wrote a blog about losing weight.
I need to too.
I hate how I look.
And I know I need to get moving to start walking again so I can feel better.
ugh.

I’m with her, why can’t I be rich?
Then I could hire a trainer to get me in shape.
we might be bitter enemies for a while, but I at least would have someone there pushing me.
😦

distance by divorce

my niece use to be married to the man in the above photo, and this is their daughter their one and only child.
I think they have been divorced four or five years now and she has remarried.
My niece’s daughter Rachel, seen in the above photo, put this picture on Face Book and seeing it reminded me of how much I liked Matt (her father) and how much I miss talking to him.

He was a fun guy, serious and he could be angered easily but he could also be a lot of fun.
He loved to tease.

Seeing this picture of him makes me realize how hard it is at times (Okay I knew this before) to have a distance when it is caused by a divorce.

I think I have seen him once or twice since the divorce, and both times it was with a lot of people around and we didn’t really get a chance to talk.
Whenever I see Rachel, I tell her to tell her dad hello for me.
Weather she does or not, I don’t know.

But the picture of the two of them, brings back fond memories.
🙂
Which we all need.

so I have four more work days until I am off for four days.
I walk around my house and look at all that I have to do and think, four days isn’t going to be long enough.
Especially since the first day we will be moving my son and his family.
Ugh.
The thought of it all makes me very tired, but I am so looking forward to having my house back and getting rid of the animal hair and just existing in my little corner of the world again.

dreams

I have some strange dreams.
I remember having one last night but for the life of me now I can’t remember what it was about.
Weird huh?

At any rate I think back to my childhood and I remember being asked
“What do you want to be when you grow up?”
and at the time I thought the teaching profession seemed glamorous and that was what I wanted to do.
Not sure when it switched to being a nurse, but at some point it did.

I still think about nursing school.
I am 48 years old and it seems a bit old to think about going back to school, however I do still think of about it.
The main thing keeping me from pursuing this dream is money.
Or lack of.
It would cost me at least $16,000 to go to college, and that doesn’t include trying to work full-time and trying to go to school full-time.
I just don’t think I have it in me.
Something would get missed….something would suffer and I’m sure it would be my relationships with my grandchildren.

I still dream.
I tend to-day dream a lot more than I ever use to….
And I often think….oh if only …….
I suppose that is my mother in me.

However I don’t think it hurts to dream.
I actually think it is healthy in many ways…..

another wonderful Monday

It is Monday morning once again.
How I hate them, except next week when I have Monday off.
🙂
I have gotten quite a bit done and am satisified with the progress.
I must leave here at eight forty five to go to the dentist.
NOT my favorite thing to do but it needs done so I will go.

I’m tired and wishing I was home but there isn’t a lot to do when my son and his family have so much of their stuff still there.
A week from now I will be in Heaven.
🙂

Happy Monday
🙂

what to do with the day?

I’m thinking of going to paint the bathroom…the top half that isn’t done yet.
But then I sort of have lost my ambition to do that.
It is Sunday so therefore it should be a lazy day shouldn’t it?
I think so anyway….

tomorrow is another Monday and the beginning of a new work week.
but next weekend I have a four day weekend so I am positive I can get through this week.

Kids are moving in five days and then I can get my house back in shape.
🙂
can’t wait

a busy crazy day

we got up this morning and went to my school to do the building check and scrub the gym floor, move a wooden desk that I had in my office and replaced it with a smaller computer desk.
we went shopping, bought paint for our bedroom and some food, then we went to the new house in Wilton that my son and his wife are buying.
Then we went to Muscatine and priced fencing and all that
Cost is estimated at $400
came home and ordered some flowers on line and lilac trees
looking at swimming pools now that will cost around $400 too.
My youngest daughter and my middle grand daughter think we need a pool again.
🙂
Then I was looking at slides for the grand kids which is another $90 dollars.
Must start saving my pennies.
🙂
we will be watching the girls here in a bit while their parents go bowling.
Then our Saturday will be over.
It has been a very busy crazy day.
🙂

memories

occasionally I take a walk down memory lane and think of my childhood, the past, all the mistakes I have made and life in general.
I love thinking about times when my children were little, especially when I see my grandchildren do something their parent (my child) use to do.
My oldest daughter has nothing but bad memories of her childhood and although I know I wasn’t a perfect mother I still and probably never will know what was so awful about hers.
Other then she was the eldest and had three siblings following her.
I doubt I will ever know, or she will ever tell me what I did so horribly wrong that she doesn’t want anything to do with me now.
It hurts but I have sort of gotten harden to the pain.

My other three still like me enough to want to be around me.
(or maybe they are there because of their father and I am just there too?)
I know Brian and Emily love me.
Matt is a lot like Paula and doesn’t care to show if he loves me or not.

like Paula, Matt is stand-off-ish and doesn’t put forth much effort to show affection unless he wants something.
Sad huh?

At any rate, I think a lot of my childhood too and where we lived, and how excentric our mother was and just life in general.

Paula told me once long before this estrangement began last August, that she didn’t want to come to the end of her life and think, “man I wish I had done this or that”
that she wanted to live life to the fullest now.
I don’t know if she feels like she has?

I know there are so many things I want to do yet, not that I plan on dying any time soon……but I think of all the things that prevent me from going out into the world.
Mainly money
🙂

My mother was a dreamer and I find, as I get older I have become more of one myself.
Not a bad thing……just not the way I want to be.
I want to be a doer, not a dreamer……

ahh….life…..