Archive for January, 2010


learning to let go

people struggle daily with the conflict of learning to let go of a lost loved.
I have been in their shoes and I know that feeling quite well.

I wonder why people struggle with this.
Don’t they know that hanging on to something that once was, isn’t good for them?
And yes I know anyone who reads this and is going through this painful feeling will tell me they don’t have a choice.
And I do know that, I honestly do.

However hanging on is just that.
Hanging on
The one you loved has moved on.
Found someone knew…..learned to let go.

I do know that someone always loves someone more than the other person.
It just is the way it is.
and I do know the God awful pain of watching someone walk away and start a new life with someone else while my heart is bleeding and in pieces.
It isn’t fun and it is damn painful.

But we all must learn to let go.
Move on.
Put one foot in front of the other and make plans for the future and try and TRY HARD to forget the past.

sitting on go……

I feel like I need a change.
I feel like I need some adventure in my life.
It is odd to me, because I get to feeling so settled and comfortable and them BAM! I feel like I need to find something to get me out of this rut I am in.
I don’t know where it comes from or why, but I get the feeling like I’m floating along and life is passing me by.

I know the mundane life, and money woes has a big part in the whole thing.
However I still think…..I need something different.
Some kind of change.

And then other times I feel like I am being ungrateful for all the things I have in life.
I have many blessings.

yet I still feel stuck and in a rut…..

is this just me or does every one feel this way from time to time?

My husband and I both got paid yesterday and after paying bills, we have one hundred dollars left for the next two weeks.
How depressing.
So sick of money woes and there never being enough money.
Damn it.
😦
I know we aren’t the only ones in this situation and I know too that I am lucky to have two incomes where a lot of people only have one.
However it still is depressing.
😦

Friday

I had a great day today.
My mood was one of complete contentment and I felt extremely serene and happy.
I got home and it all went to crap

Found out my son’s wife went and had her tubes tied.
But he lied to me and said she fell and hurt her shoulder again.
And while the lying bothers me what bothers me most is that she can’t see fit to give him a child of his own but wants him to help her raise her daughter.
Just doesn’t seem fair.
AND WHILE I KNOW it is really between the two of them, it wasn’t even four years ago that he told me he wanted his own child by the time he was thirty.
He will be 28 in three weeks.
But because her child is so spoiled rotten that he has a hard time being around her most of the time, he has decided, with a bit of coaxing from his wife, that he isn’t really father material
I have told him not every woman raises her child and spoils them so rotten that they are hard to be around.
And he is missing out on one of the greatest things in life, fathering a child.
BUT…l know it isn’t about me or what I want or don’t want for him.
It is his choice and he chose to marry her and help her raise her daughter but not have a child of his own.
It saddens me but I am just a mother who wants life’s best for her child.
Guess I have to cut the apron stings and let my children live their lives.
Like I can stop them from making mistakes.
Which I can’t.
😦

squibble squabble…..

that is all I can say.
Squibble and squabble.
life turns on a dime.

Odd to me that people are so secretive and have to be so hush hush about things.
Like they are immune to the day to day tasks of the American life.

Just learned one niece left her husband for another woman.
AND another niece and her husband are seperated.

I learned about the one that left her husband for another woman from a guy I have worked with for the last nine years.
Come to find out, he is my niece’s cousin.
Odd, to not know that until today.

The other bit of information about another niece and her husband being separated comes from a source that won’t devulge her source

Don’t know why people feel the need to keep secrets.
Aren’t we all human?
I mean really?
Just stupid and we are suppose to all be family.
Just don’t get people.
They act like they are better than the rest of us, so it all has to be hush hush.
Really stupid.
But whatever.
Just more squibble squabble in life.

because I had a tooth pulled on Tuesday the dentist put me on codeine and I had a bad reaction from it and was sick all day yesterday from dry heaves and feeling like I was going to faint every time I moved
not a good feeling

but I feel better today, not perfect but better, so much better than yesterday
so I can say never again to taking codeine

oral surgery

well I broke a tooth last night and went to the dentist today only to be sent to an oral surgeon to extract my tooth.
So I sit here with a numb mouth and a sore mouth
I have a mouth wash I have to use at least twice a day, and two other pills to take for pain and antibotics

I hate having my teeth worked on and I avoid the dentist if at all possible.
But today’s was a necessity

No fun but at least it is done and I am on the mend.
🙂

What would I do if…..

What would I do if I suddenly got fired from this job?
That thought comes to me from time to time.
I do wonder.
I know I would have to work but what would I do?

What would I do if, I suddenly lost my husband?
I can’t imagine I would be living a life much different from what I am now, except that I wouldn’t have him to come home to every day.

I do worry about his health and his being so over weight can’t possibly be good on his heart.
But luckily the good Lord hasn’t seen fit to see Rick home to heaven yet.

as I have written before I often wonder if I would have gone down this path or this one……where would I be in my life at this point?

not that I don’t love my life, I do.
I just some times wonder what if????

Last Saturday the entire day was cloudy and very rainy.
So much rain that there was water standing in the streets in places.

Well my children all went to Iowa City to meet their sister for dinner and on the way home, my youngest child Emily was driving 70 on the interstate passing a semi, when she started hydroplaning and heading for a steel median
Her boyfriend grabbed the wheel and pulled to the right and they went sideways in to a ditch, sliding over a hundred feet

everyone was fine, THANK YOU LORD!
But it could have been so much worse.
If they had gone one hundred feet further east they would have crashed into a bunch of trees.
IF they had this accident a mile back from where it was, they would have gone into a ditch that was five to seven hundred feet below the highway.

Or if it hadn’t been raining, but the ditch was still covered in snow and ice, they could have been in serious trouble.

But luckily and by the grace of God, they are fine.
Shook up but fine.
The car is fine too.

I have thanked the Lord several times these last two days for taking care of her and her boyfriend and the baby, and seeing them through what could have been a fatal accident.

I am truly blessed.
Thank you Lord.

I’m thinking of that song “Monday Monday, can’t trust that day” By the Mama’s and the Papa’s.
odd but it just popped into my head when I sat down to write a blog.

I usually don’t like Monday’s and I would rather be home than be here, however since the weekend was so good and my daughter survived what could have been a fatal car accident, I have all the blessings in the world right here at my finger tips and I have no reason to complain.

Life is good, I know my Lord loves me and looks after me every day as He carries me in the palm of His hand and all my children are happy and healthy.
Even my eldest child who wants nothing to do with me arrived safely home to Wisconsin last night after seeing her siblings this weekend, so…all is good in my world.
🙂