I realize I am a day early on the new year’s resolutions or two if you count the actual day, but I have time today to write a blog and I won’t again till New Year’s day.

Tomorrow I am going to have lunch with my youngest sister and then we are having my grand daughters stay over night so their parents can go and celebrate bringing in the new year, so I will write my new year resolutions here and now

first and foremost

I want to be kinder, less critical of everyone around me.

I want to be more positive.

I want to swear less

I need to lose weight and I must realize that every day is a new day, if I mess  up one day, I can reapply myself and keep positive and lose the weight.

I need to stop spending money.

if I want to retire at 55, which is just 17 months away then I need to get bills paid off so I can.

I plan on only going on one vacation a year.

only one.

I need to just be content with who I am.

and some days that is hard to do.

but I know I can do it.

🙂

 

Well here it is, the second week of winter break.

That means a week from today school starts again.

Amazing to me how quickly time passes.

 

Our Christmas was nice.

Having all 4 of our children together is quite wonderful and rare.

Although Paula does come around more often then she use to.

 

I’m dealing with stomach issues and have been off and on for a week.

Quite annoying.

I’ve been up since 3AM with it this morning and it ticks me off.

 

Over all life is good though.

I had a dark day on Saturday, but I’m over it now.

Sometimes I think those dark days come more often then they use to, but maybe not……

 

I should probably mention it to my doctor next month when I go in for my physical.

 

Well its about time to get ready for work so……

Until next time……

well here it is the day after Christmas 2014.

our actual Christmas day was a bum day.
it may as well have been a weekend, since we did nothing with our children.
That is tonight at my son Matt’s house.

I am at work and have no desire what so ever to be here.
originally I was on vacation and on my way down to Florida.
But I cancelled that trip and am in Iowa.
Which is fine.
Paula will be there tonight so that will be quite lovely to have all four children together.

I was sick with the flu/and or food poisoning on Wednesday (I hesitate to say food poisoning simply because I wasn’t horribly vomiting sick)

I think it was the Chinese food I ate for supper Tuesday night.
I was sick all night and all day on Wednesday.
Yesterday was better but I still didn’t feel great especially if I got up and did much.
Today I feel fine.
Just no ambition to work.

🙂

I need to get some groceries after work and then go home and shower, let our dog out and do a few things around the apartment before heading to Wilton.

hopefully everyone will be in great moods and it will be a good time.

it really hardly feels like Christmas this year.
no snow on the ground and we aren’t even celebrating till the 26th, but that isn’t even the reason.

Christmas doesn’t feel like Christmas because my children are all grown with families of their own and they are busy and doing their own things.

I haven’t felt like Christmas is Christmas since they all moved out.
And since Rick’s parents died.
When they were alive we would have them over for dinner every Christmas day.
But that hasn’t happened in 8 years.

I love Christmas
I love being with my family and seeing them all happy.
But it isn’t the kind of Christmas I remember as a child or when my kids were little.

Sad in a way………..

 

so I just read my sister’s blog.

and she wrote about things she wants.

things that she doesn’t think is asking too much for, and seem like basic necessities of life.

I often think of the same things she said

that life is not moving forward in the direction we want it to.

I don’t  feel like I ask for much either.

I would love my children and grandchildren to spend more time together with my husband and myself.

to be happy with themselves and each other.

I often think I would like another house one day, but in all honesty where we live is just fine.

I hate my job, but I know it is good for me to work because it is exercise and I need that in my life.

more of it actually.

I would love to be thinner, but that is a work in progress.

I would love to be debt free, but that too is a work in progress.

I know I need more hobbies and things to occupy myself.

I need to worship with my Lord more.

I ache and really wish that it would be possible for people to stop being so ugly and hateful in this world and that we could all live in peace.

no more wars, and or killing.

I wish I could obliterate child abuse in every form there is.

but if I could have one thing that would make me the happiest it is to know that my grandchildren will all grow up to live healthy happy lives.

do I ask for too much?

I really don’t think so………..

so I re-read my thinking out loud blog of two days go.

I have to say I must have been quite down that day.

today I am upbeat and happy.

I realize every person goes through the blahs, or a bit of depression.

I hate when I get like that.

down and blue

 

but that was Monday and today is Wednesday and all is right in my world.

🙂

so since my husband had the audacity to tell my eldest sister Carolyn, that he does whatever makes me happy, I decided it was time he got on Facebook and connected with other people

in all honesty I have been trying to get him to do it for a few years now

but I bought him a mini ipad and told him last night.

“since you say you will do anything for me, it is time you got on Facebook”

so he did.

and while it is all new to him, I feel it is time he got with the rest of the world and learned exactly what the world wide web has to offer.

so we started with Facebook.

🙂

you know, there are things I wish I had done when I was younger.

things I still would like to do before I die.

I will never be perfect or beautiful and I am a sinner and continue to be a sinner.

but through it all, thick and thin, I have tried to be a good person.

I let things people say to me, roll off my shoulders simply because it isn’t worth the hassle to fight it out.

I wrote a blog a few months ago about finding me.

I still haven’t found me.

I exist.

I don’t challenge myself in any way and even though I think I am happy 95% of the time there are times I get very down and almost lonely feeling.

I have people who count on me, people who love me and depend on me.

and yet I do feel lonely a lot of the time.

I won’t actually say I look forward to death, because that wouldn’t be true.

I’m not afraid of it and the only reason I want to stay on this earth now is because of my grandchildren and seeing them grow to be adults.

I love my children deeply but they don’t need me any more.

and maybe my grandchildren don’t either, but I like to think I am important to them.

what is this all about?

my rambling on and on?

maybe I am a bit depressed.

maybe the day to day grind is getting to me.

I’m not suicidal and I don’t constantly think of death.

sometimes I think death would be a wonderful thing so that I could go live in my Lord’s kingdom and I would no longer have to struggle in this life.

and as I write the word struggle, I feel almost like I should laugh.

I know there are so many thousands if not millions of people who have it harder in life then I do.

I shouldn’t complain.

and I don’t mean to be complaining now.

I just feel lonely I guess.

and maybe a bit depressed.

well here it is Monday afternoon.

I have thirty minutes before I can go home.

my  night custodian didn’t come into work due to a cough.

he has missed at least ten days of work this school year so far.

not sure how our boss feels about that but we were warned at the beginning of the school year to watch our calling in sick.

I have the blahs due to two things, 1- my job, I’m so very sick of cleaning up after people.

and two, it is fifty out now and raining but it is going to start cooling down with a bit of snow later.

I don’t mind winter if I don’t have to shovel it and or deal with it here at the school.

I know by now I should be use to it.

but it just depresses me.

I would love to move to Florida to Daytona Beach and live on the ocean and come back to Iowa once a month.

that would be ideal to me.

but the chances of that happening are next to none.

sigh………..

so we had a great weekend temperature wise.

near fifty both days.
I didn’t have to come in and do the building checks because my night custodian likes to do two a month.

anyway I am annoyed because I come into work this morning and it is 90 degrees in here.
he did not turn the boiler off all weekend.
And it isn’t like a thermostat that a person has in their home.

it runs and runs.

Ugh.

I shut it off and opened a few windows and have no plans on turning it back on today.

it is 50 degrees outside right now.

ugh.

I hate being hot.