we are celebrating my birthday today, a cool rainy day in Iowa.

we were supposed to have a picnic but unfortunately we can’t due to the weather.

oh we will still grill out but we won’t be eating outside.

😦

 

we don’t need the rain and my sister said they do need it in Florida.

sure wish I could send it to them.

it has been a long time since we have seen the sun.

It is depressing.

the greatest part of today will be having all four of my kids together.

we don’t get that enough.

And of course all five of my grandkids together.

Life is good.

🙂

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not sure frumpy is a word, but it is how I feel today.

frumpy.

thrilled that it is Friday but still feeling a bit down.

we haven’t had sun in five days and I miss it.

OR if it is sunny for a few minutes I am inside working and unable to go out and enjoy it

we are getting our April showers this week and tomorrow is 100% chance of rain.

sigh….

frumpy….

I’m having grandchildren withdrawals.

I haven’t had Keira and Kayla over night in weeks and I miss them terribly.

Yes I will see them tomorrow but they probably won’t stay over because my eldest daughter will be back and they will want to be with her.

frumpy

we will have Aaron and Bailey over night but we see they two or three times a week where as I haven’t seen Keira and Kayla since last Saturday.

😦

 

I took next Monday off because it is my birthday but of course the sun isn’t going to shine till Tuesday and Wednesday when I am back at work.

Mother Nature is fighting against me.

Darn it.

I need the sun~

 

 

my heart broke into a million pieces a year ago today when I lost my dog Max

I so loved that dog and I miss him every day.

He was a wonderful friend and I miss him dearly

 

Just looking at this picture brings tears to my eyes.

Love you Maximus Andreas

Always.

wish I was here…..

when I am here at work and I have to deal with the hundred disrespectful, bratty children, I tell myself I MUST go back to school and get a different job.

I hate dealing with these brats.

I was told though that our school is calm compared to a few others.

So maybe I should just tune them out?

However while I still toy with the idea of going back to school one part of me says…..”you are too old to put that much money into college”

But the other part of me says “As long as there is breath in these lungs I am never too old for college”

sigh.

I do hate my job.

but the pay is wonderful and I would hate to lose that….

However I will take it day by day.

Chances are I will just force myself to stick it out here…..

ugh.

I need a vacation in the mountains~

 

Every once in a while I want to throw in the towel.

Just say I quit.

I’m done.

I don’t want to do any of this anymore…..

But most days I realize there are so many people worse off then I am.

So many who struggle to make ends meet and are sickly or caring for someone who is sickly.

So many people have no homes, no food, no clothes.

So I need to quit complaining about my job and be thankful that I have one.

I need to be grateful that I woke up today and not complain that I am tired from getting up so early.

I need to remember how blessed I am and not look at the negativity.

I came from a very low income childhood.

We lived on welfare so we had food but we were poor.

There were never any luxuries.

I live like a queen compared to how my mother lived.

 

But I won’t lie to you, once in a while, about once every six weeks to two months I think to myself  “What is it all for?  Why do I fight the fight?  Wouldn’t dying be so much simpler?”

Then I get to go to Heaven and live with my Lord and His son…..

I attribute these thoughts to the depression that runs in my family.

It runs rapid in my family.

From my mother to all of my siblings…to a few of my children…..

I get down and blue every now and then but it is nothing like others feel.

My wish for those who are struggling is turn your prayers to the Lord.

He will be there for you.

 

So I am debating on switching jobs.

not right away but working part time as a CNA, getting certified and then eventually quit this job to go back to the nursing home.
I worked there for 18 years about 15 years ago.

I would like to go back and work in my home town so I don’t have to drive every day.

True it would be second shift and less pay.

but if I could juggle both jobs for six to eight months and get a head in paying off some of my bills, then I could quit this job and just work part time there.

sigh…..

I just want to do something different then cleaning up after bratty disrespectful kids.

last night I was swinging my 19 month old grand daughter and the strap on the swing broke and she did a complete flip and landed on her butt.

I am thanking God because she could have easily landed on her neck and broke it.

It would have been horrific.

She didn’t even cry when she landed on her butt, she just looked at me in complete shock.

Thank You Lord for watching over my precious baby girl.

AND for ALWAYS watching over all of my loved ones.

It is in Your son Jesus’ name I pray

Amen

so I know this crusade I am  embarking on is for me and it will take some time.

I know I just need to start moving.

yes it may be one baby step at a time but I need to do something.

I am tired of being fat and feeling like I am a cow.

Yesterday my husband bought me a bike for my birthday.

I rode for ten minutes.

wow, like nothing at all right?
But I haven’t been on a bike for years and I don’t want to get burnt out or hurt and not continue with it.

so tonight I will strive for 15 minutes….tomorrow night 20 and so on…..

I have an exercise bike in the basement too so one days it rains I will have that to fall back on…..

I have been blogging for years, probably for about 12…..

and if I went back to the first few I know I would have wrote about my weight….and how I need to lose.

and I am 40 pounds heavier now…..

I must do it.

Just keep moving…..