My husband’s nephew passed away today May 15th.
He was 39 years old.
We haven’t gotten the results back yet from the autopsy but he was mowing the lawn and had to sit down because he was having problems breathing.
He called his wife and told her he couldn’t breathe very well and then she said he took two gasps and quit talking to her.

She raced home to find him already gone.

Last month Jason had the coronavirus.

I’m wondering if that did something to his lungs or heart?

Regardless it is so sad that this young man’s life has ended.

He grew up with my kids.

My eldest son Brian and Jason played a lot together.

For a while they were best friends.

 

He was married with three kids.

His sons are over eighteen and his daughter is fifteen.

Rest in Peace Jason.

You will be missed.

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Keira and Kayla came over today and spent about five hours with me.
They just left and went home with their father.

It is always great to see them and with this coronavirus going around it is hard to find time to see them

This morning I was outside and could feel myself getting quite warm in the sun even though it was a very cool windy day.
All afternoon my grand daughters and I were outside and now I can’t get warm.

I assume it is to do with being tired but I think I may have gotten a touch of too much sun too because it always makes me tired.

I love it.

Don’t get me wrong.
The sun brings such warmth and comfort to me.

I worked in the yard a bit today too.
Sure wish the seventies would come back and stay.
Sigh

Not sure when I will see Keira and Kayla again.

Probably not for another week or more.

😦

I spent the majority of my day with my 18 month old grand daughter.
it was pure delight.
I haven’t seen her since Sunday and it was so very wonderful to have some time with her.

She is starting to talk more and she is so funny and smart.
She along with the other five bring me such joy.

Being Nana is one of the most wonderful things I have in my life.
They truly are my gifts from God.

🙂

It is eleven thirty pm on this Saturday night.
The house is quiet.
All are sleeping except me of course.
I think my body has gotten so use to being up all night from working third shift that I find it hard to sleep when I am off.

But alas…..I work the next four nights after tonight so…..

This is my big week.
I work six out of the seven days this week.

I hate the long week but I think working is good for me so I enjoy it and know I feel better physically when I am working.

There was a lot of bumming on these few days off.

I can even admit to being bored a time or two.

NOT because there wasn’t things to do but more that the things I could have done or should have done, didn’t appeal to me.

I want to be outside.

Today was decent, about 35 degrees warm enough to wash all the gunk off of my car.

It is nice and clean again.

But not warm enough to be out working in the yard.

 

Had Brian’s little birthday dinner.

Which was nice.

The only one missing was Paula but she will be here next weekend and they will all get together then.
I probably won’t join them as I will have to work both Friday and Saturday nights and will need sleep before I go to work.

But we shall see.

Maybe I can get away with not sleeping before I go in on Saturday night.

The five younger grandchildren are here all sleeping around me.

🙂

Anyway they are having a little party of sorts, next Sunday when Emily gets her hair shaved off.

Her hair dresser suggested they do a big deal about it with friends and her kids if she wants.

Paula will go and I will probably too.
Just to take pictures and have them for her to remeember the occasion by.

I think shaving her head for surgery is going to be a pretty big deal for Emily.

I am quite sure she hasn’t let the full impact of all of this hit her just yet.

But once her head is shaven, it will.

 

I suggested she buy a wig but she thinks they are too expensive but I will help pay for one if that is something she decides to do later on.

It is hard to say how long it will take her to grow a full head of hair back.

Adam bless his heart, it going to shave his head too just so that they can go through it together.

Ten days from today is her surgery.
Actually ten days from today she will be out of surgery and in ICU for the night and God willing it will all be well and she will do fine.

I won’t lie, I am a bit worried but I know I have to put it in God’s hands and He will do what He thinks is best.

I hope and pray He believes Emily is needed to see her children to adults.

I can’t imagine a life without her in it and I don’t ever want to.

I never want to outlive any of my children or grandchildren.

I don’t know that I could do it.

Oh deep down I know I could, I just don’t want to.

And God willing I will never have to.

 

My aunt Loretta became a horrible alcoholic when she lost her son Jerry in 1974

Who died at twenty one from getting hit by a truck when he was on his motorcycle.
And then eleven years later one of her daughters was murdered by a man who she had been dating but broke up with.

And then she lost a daughter to cancer, 2 actually and another son to a heart attack.

All before my aunt passed from this earth.

It would be horrific to have to survive losing a child, not to mention her losing five of the ten she had.

I hope I never have to endure that.
And God willing I won’t.

 

Anyway I don’t mean to be morbid or think of death or even write about it.

It is just on my mind with Emily and I hope it will all be fine.

My life is pretty damn good just the way it is and honestly I don’t want any of it to change.

Sure I could have more money and be thinner as I always say.

But both are a work in progress.

I am a very blessed woman and I know it.

 

My youngest daughter Emily is having brain surgery on February 25th.

The doctor is going to cut her head open from ear to ear.

She has to shave her head for surgery.

It will be a six hour surgery to remove the lime size cyst on her frontal lobe.

He said he can’t take all of it because it is intertwined with blood vessels but he thinks he can get 99% of it.

God willing it will all be fine and she will make it through and recover nicely.

Her children, Aaron 9, Bailey 5 and Ava 18 months need their mother.
And I know Adam doesn’t want to raise the kids without her.
God willing it will all be fine.

I pray every night that it will be.

From left to right, Matt, Emily, Rick, Me, Paula and Brian

Tomorrow we are celebrating my eldest son’s birthday.

His birthday isn’t until February 25th, but my youngest daughter is having Brain surgery that day so we have to do it earlier.

Brian will be 39

Not sure how it is possible to have a 39 year old but it is.
Our oldest daughter will be 41 here in about 3 weeks.

I must be getting old.
🙂

Brian is my quiet laid back son.
He rarely lets anything ruffle his feathers.

He is a hard worker but struggles with money issues (not always making the best choices money wise)

But he is a good man and I love him dearly.

No not more than the other three, but Brian is a kind hearted man who loves his mother and isn’t afraid of showing it.
🙂

This was taken on Brian’s wedding day.

this was in 2008

From left to right, Rick, Emily, Brian, Paula, Matt and Me.

 

It is ten thirty, and I need to go to sleep but it alludes me.

My brain will not stop thinking.

It won’t close shop for the night so I can sleep

I just took some sleeping pills, over the counter Unisome.

So hopefully within the next hour or so I can fall asleep.

 

The Death Ghost has been bothering me tonight as well.

It hoovers over me.
Once it even loomed at my face and scared me

Not sure if this means the Death Ghost is coming for me or someone close to me.

Sigh.

Maybe it is because My life is going so well I fear death for someone because I don’t deserve all of this happiness and good fortune.

The Lord has blessed me so much more than I deserve.

However or why He has blessed me with so much is so hard to tell.

He knows my heart and He knows my sins.

And still He blesses me with so much.

I am unworthy.

On a different note my sister Linda would have been 63 today had she lived.

She died ten years ago.
Or it will be ten year this October.

She was so very young

 

In two hours and nine minutes it will be Christmas Day.

Not that it means much to me in way of celebrating.
We always have our Christmas on Christmas eve.

Which we did and now it is over with for another year.

I know many people, hundreds of thousands of people will be celebrating tomorrow and sharing their love and time and presents with their loved ones.

We had a good time tonight and even though Paula wasn’t here it was still great.

Rick got me a new laptop, and three pairs of earrings.

They are birthstones for each of my children’s birthday month.

Of course since Paula and Emily share the same month, I only got three pairs instead of four for the four children I have.

🙂

I am working tomorrow.

Like I feel like I do every day.
Still tomorrow should be easier with my coworker back and she is more than willing to do her fair share of work.

 

It is time for bed, but I tried sleeping and I just toss and turn so I m writing a blog.

I love to sleep and will be miserable tomorrow morning when four thirty rolls around and I have to get out of bed and get ready for work.
Ugh.

I hate the thought of it but still I know it is good for me to work and I do believe tomorrow will be double time.

🙂

My body keeps crying for sleep.
Just wish my brain would turn off

Merry Christmas!

 

Here in 18 days we will be flying to Florida for a week.

My daughter and her husband and three kids are going as well.

It will be enjoyable.

We usually stay in Daytona but my daughter  found a condo in Palm City that she wanted to stay at so we are staying there.

A bit north of Daytona.

The condo looks ritzy and out of our league, but I will post pictures when we get there.

The ocean is there, which looks very quiet compared to Daytona Beach, and the pool looks pristine and lovely.

My daughter’s husband Adam doesn’t seem to keen on it, he came from a family who never went on vacation so I assume he thinks it is a waste of money and time.

But Emily deserves a vacation and she never had a honeymoon so I think he realizes that too.

I’m sure it will be a great time.

Our beautiful Bailey who is four needs naps and I haven’t been making her take one because she hates taking them and her mother says she doesn’t have to.

So we haven’t been making her.

But she needs them and I am going to have to enforce them because she is so tired by three thirty.

Ava, her sister and my darling four month old grand daughter is so incredibly wonderful and I adore her so much.

No not any more than the others but she is so sweet and precious……

My husband has no patience with the grandkids and gets very annoyed with them.

Makes me want to slap him if I am being totally honest.

Yeah they are kids and maybe I let them get away with a few things that I shouldn’t, but they are kids and they are my grand children to spoil.

He doesn’t need to get all bent out of shape and yell at them.

It really pisses me off.

And I am going to start working more due to needing the money and my husband being done with working for the year and Christmas coming.

Never ever enough money to go around anymore or so it seems.

Sigh……