I have had trying last couple of days

Every little thing cant be simple

Nope everything is a struggle a battle with my patience

For instance I moved 13 boxes of paper each weighing 50 pounds

I put them on a moving cart and then took them to a room where I unloaded the cart and in doing so I moved them again

my back and hips are protesting ever since

it hurts to walk to bend over and to basically move

ok I did this to myself

part of my job but I am suffering now

Any way today I am opening the main doors to the school and each door has a wooden stopper to hold the door open

do you think that sucker would work today?

Hell no

No matter what I did it wouldn’t hold the door open

I cussed and kicked and basically threw a tantrum about it

Why can’t it just work like it does every other day?

Nope

I was alone so I simply said “Fuck it” and walked away

My back hurts, my hips hurt

it literally hurts to walk and the damn door got the best of me

Sigh

Then the vacuum cleaner would not pick up dry leaves so I said a few choice words then too

If God was testing me today I failed miserably

Things that should be simple try my patience

Ugh

I should have stayed in bed

😦

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on July 12th I will start a new job

I’m going back to being a custodian

I will work 2:30 -11 Monday through Friday and no weekends and no holidays

which thrills me

not real crazy about 2nd shift but I will be very busy

cleaning the middle school here in our town

the pay isn’t nearly as good as it is in Iowa city, but I will be collecting IPERS again and that will help with retirement

speaking of which I want to try and work till I’m 67 or 68, depending on when I can get full social security

on another note I have been onthe keto diet for a week and have lost 14 pounds

🙂

makes me very happy

I have cut out all sugar and are trying to just eat protein and vegetables

its hard to leave chips and potatoes out of my diet but I want to be thinner

and hopefully working as a custodian again will help with that

🙂

I have the blues yet again

part of it is because the sun isn’t shining

it has been cloudy and rainy for the last 3 days

I need the sun

Another reason is I feel like I am wasting my life away

I need to find some passion

I literally have none

oh I have a great passion for my grandchildren but that is not something I have with me 24/7

I think part of it is that I work 3rd shift too

hopefully I will snap out of it and soon

sigh

Ugh. I feel like I can never get enough sleep.

I tried sleeping last night before going to work but slept badly.
Went to bed at six fifteen after getting off at six and slept till ten.

I got up, even though I felt like I could have slept the day away.

But I hate really hate sleeping on my day off.

Ugh.

I want to sleep now.

Ugh.

Just so damn tired of being tired.

Hate it.

Literally hate it.

If this website hadn’t changed and prevented me from exposing my pictures of our time in Florida, I would share them here

But alas I can no longer do that

Florida is beautiful

The weather is 75 degrees with full sunshine

We walk wherever we go and sit on the beach just enjoying the natural beauty

Don’t think I have ever been here when the weather has been so perfect

Its been 3 years since we have been here

Just 3 years too long

Here in six days my husband and I will be flying the friendly skies to Florida.

it will be wonderful.

Need the ocean right now.

Nothing quite calms my soul like the ocean and beach does.

Sigh.
Wish it was tomorrow.

I work with a 30 year old girl who said yesterday that her 10 year old daughter is a little bastard

Saying her daughter is a brat and a handful

It breaks my heart to hear her talk about her daughter like that

My daughter knows a girl who has had all 3 of her daughters taken away from her because she is unfit and a drug addict

Her oldest daughter is 11 and then she has 4 year old twins

And now she is pregnant again

The problem is she is a meth addict

My heart bleeds for that unborn baby

What kind of life is he going to have?

Imagine the torture he will have to endure when he is born and having to be weaned off meth?

It just breaks my heart all the way around

There are so many unloved and unwanted children in this country

I would take them all if I could

Sigh

I bought a dvd collection to learn how to play the guitar.

Man it just doesn’t click.

Granted I just started it but it is like I have a barrier between my brain and what I see and hear.

I know it will get better but I do know I will have to go back and listen to the first dvd at least once more to get the jest of it.

sigh

I have to admit that I am back to feeling stagnant again

The days fly by and I get next to nothing done

I am a bum, a couch potato…..lifeless with no ambition to do anything

Part of me thinks it has to do with freezing cold temperatures outside

But the other part of me thinks I have no passion in my life therefore I barely exist

I have my hobbies and my grandchildren but I feel like I am drifting along, alone down the river with no destination in sight

I can’t even get myself to exercise or eat the way I should

Im a fat blob……..growing old before my time..

Today being February first I am once again starting the keto diet

I realize if I had stuck to it back in November I would probably be 15 to 20 pounds lighter than I am

But the holidays got the best of me and I fell off the diet wagon

I NEED to lose weight

I can’t stand how fat I am

Sigh

So hopefully I can make it work this time..