as I prepare for my vacation here in about twenty four hours, I always think of the what ifs?

what if we don’t live through this?

what if we get in a car accident and die?

or robbed and killed for our car?

maybe I sound a bit morbid but I always have these what ifs going on in my mind.

it could be that for about two weeks now I have had a horrible feeling that something bad is going to happen.

I don’t know if that something bad is about me or someone I love.

I just know I won’t like the outcome.

so as I get ready to travel the friendly interstates to get to Florida, I wonder if tomorrow never comes what then?

I have no fear of dying.

I know I am going to Heaven and will live there with my Lord.

and I know my four children will be fine without me in their lives.

yes they will miss me, but I know deep down they will be fine.

it is my five grandchildren that I worry for.

yes they will be fine too if I die tomorrow or a week from now, but to never see them again or hold them and tell them how very important they are to me,  is heartbreaking.

I love them all so much.

I would hope my children would never let them forget me.

but that would be the only thing that would make me sad about dying.

and that is my wonderful grandchildren.

God willing I get to see them all grow up and have marriages and babies of their own.

but if not………maybe He will let me watch over them from Heaven.

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Rock my world, come on in.

Jolt me into something, help the change begin.

Wash me clean, make me pure

Make me fit, to live in your world

Obliterate my sins, let me in

Make me clean, help me be pure

Rock my world

Let the change begin……..

 

so here in nine  days my husband and I are heading to Florida for a week

Driving this time due to the high cost of airline tickets.

since we are going so soon I have cancelled the Florida trip in May.

I don’t want to make a habit of spending all my vacations in Florida and since I went four times last year, this year I am going to limit it to one.

and that will be from January 31st through February 6th.

gulf side so I can spend time with my sister Kathy, as well as enjoy the sunshine and beach.

🙂

my husband and I went to the above titled movie yesterday.

talk about a good movie.

very well done.

Bradley Cooper did a great job playing Chris Kyle.

 

I highly recommend the movie.

37 years ago today my husband and I lost our first child

I miscarried at six weeks.

it was very dramatic and over whelming at the time.

hard to believe it has been that long but then again I asked my husband today, were we really that young once?

hard to believe at times.

ah the memories………

this is us at Rocky Mountain National Park a few years ago.

my youngest son is 29 today.

He actually won’t officially be 29 till eleven minutes before seven this evening.

I think he was 8 or 9 in this picture.

back when he was chunky and cared a great deal about his hair.

🙂

today he keeps it closely shaved to his head.

he is the one on the end, on the right in this picture.

the six of us

my husband Rick, Emily, Brian behind her, Paula, me behind Paula and Matt.

Happy birthday son.

love you.

lately I have decided to start saving my change.

just to throw it into a jar in my den and let it accumulate.

my husband has done this for years.

so one day I just decided to do it as well.

see how much money I can save this way.

he separates all the change, quarters in one jar, dimes in another, etc…..

but I am just going to throw it all in together for now.

🙂

to fall into you

our chests pressed tightly as I raise my face to yours.

our eyes hold, our lips meet and we both drift into the oneness of who we are.

making love, feeling all that we are.

heartbeats increase, our souls melt together and we dance to the music of us.

there is nothing as incredible as falling deeper in love with you each and every time we come together as one.

but that was a lifetime ago, when we were young and all we thought of was how much we loved each other……..

but every now and then,  years later  I think of you and remember ~~~~~~~~~of what once was….. us.