Category: ramblings


The Power Of Prayer~

Yesterday I had the day off of work to go and do my testing for becoming a CNA again.
A certified nursing assistant.

I was so nervous when I first got there that I felt like I could puke.

I took several deep breaths and then I prayed to my Lord to guide me, to work through me and to help me get through the entire thing.

And a calm came over me and I knew I was going to do alright.

Oh of course I had a small bit of doubt.

I felt if it was something that was meant to be then God would see me through it.

Doing clinicals which was part of the test, it is doing things for a mock patient and having someone watch your every move and grading you on it.

To me that is just as bad as getting up in front of a classroom of people and giving a speech.

I am not comfortable with any of it.

But as I said, I felt God was with me, within me and helped guide me to a successful outcome.

In every aspect of my life I know God is with me.

Sometimes I feel it stronger than other times.

Yesterday I felt it very strongly.

I am very blessed and undeserving for all of my blessings.
But for some reason the Good Lord always has my back.

I am very grateful.

spring.jpg

 

Holiday blahs….

I’m in a funk.
I know a lot of it has to do with being tired.

I slept very badly last night and hope to be in bed by eight tonight.

Have to work the weekend and really wish I didn’t but alas…..what else would I do?
Sit home and watch TV with my husband all weekend?
NO thanks.
I would rather be at work.

 

I’m in a funk.

I feel like I hate everything.

The holiday was a let down.

I felt like it was all pointless.

Maybe I see my kids and their families too much.
It just didn’t seem special at all.

Yeah I told you, I am in a funk.

I hate my life.

Almost every aspect of it.

 

I know I am blessed with healthy children and grandchildren.

Blessed to have a good job and my health.

But I am down and blue

I’m sure part of it is that I have no passion in my life.

Physically or otherwise.

I feel like I am 80 and I hate it.
HATE this feeling of my life is just wasting away to nothing.

Yeah I am in a mood.

 

And Then Some~

It is Friday, November 15th.

Where does the time go?
Hard to believe in less than two weeks it is Thanksgiving.

I LOVE the holidays and the changing seasons.

We have been really cold here in Iowa.
Too cold actually.
One weatherman said the normal high for this time of year is 50 degrees.

One day this past week we were seven degrees.

Too cold too soon.

But alas, it is Iowa weather and always unpredictable.

For those of you who don’t know our weather there is a saying that goes…
“If you don’t like the weather in Iowa, wait a day and it will change”
And it usually does that quickly.

 

I’ve got all of my Christmas shopping done.
That is a nice feeling.

My kids and their spouses are just getting money as is Mirielle who is 17 and too impossible to buy for.

I got Rick a few things and may yet buy him some nice shirts but maybe not either.

See how I feel next time I go shopping.

 

I’m in the mood to write and actually wrote five pages the other night before bed.
It was awesome while it lasted, problem is it rarely lasts let alone comes around to where I can actually write something.

Still I would love to be able to just write all day.

 

I bought Miranda Lambert’s new CD, “Wild Card” and it is pretty good.

I am a huge fan of hers and honestly the only country singer I listen to these days

Oh I have my oldies songs that are country and listen to them all of the time but the singers these days just don’t hold my interest.

She is the only one I will buy new cd’s from.

Like one of her songs says “it’s pretty bitchin'”

 

I need new glasses and must take the money and get some here soon.

It will cost me close to $1,000 after the testing, buying new glass frames and then paying for the lenses.

Last time I got new glasses was probably four years ago and they cost me $850.

So with inflation I imagine it will be close to the thousand mark.

But these glasses I am wearing are so scratched up and I find it hard to see things.

Sometimes I can see things more clearly if I take the glasses off and get whatever it is close enough for me to see it.

Sigh.

I hate spending the money though……

Hence the putting it off…….

My husband asked me what I want for Christmas.

I want a fenced in back yard and a swimming pool.

A new deck and a new sidewalk in front of our front door.

Yeah I know, all things that are more for warmer weather.

But I really don’t want anything……

Just cosmetic things around my house.

Of course there is a six and a half acre house for sale north of Wilton, that I want.

A ranch style with three bedrooms, several out buildings and a huge yard.
They want $275,900 for it though.

Ugh.

 

Good thing dreaming is free.

 

Do I need a house in the country?
No of course not.
Would I love a house in the country?
You bet.

I was raised in the country and I LOVED it.

 

Again good thing dreaming is free.

 

my house

it even has my green shudders and doors and roof.

my house two

my house three

my house four

I could be very happy here.

Of course I am happy with my little house now.

But country living appeals to me……

Sigh.

 

Raining Money~

So now that my husband is collecting his social security he will be bringing home $60,000 a year, without lifting a finger or working one minute of every day.
This is what his retirement and social security has done for him.

No it isn’t raining money, but it nice to have that cushion.

We have about ten thousand in credit card debt, and he wants to buy new tires for his truck which will be about $1200.00.

I want to get new glasses which will be another $1,000 at least and eventually I want a newer car.

And hopefully we will be sitting better this next year to build his garage that he has wanted for years.

There is a house with six and a half acers of land in Cedar County that I would love to have.

They are asking $275,500 for it.

Which is almost two hundred thousand more then what we paid for the house we live in now.

Still I would love to have it.

I doubt it will ever come to pass but it is a dream….

Good thing dreaming is free.

My being the insurer of the house hold now takes a little over $500 from my paychecks, but that is better than the $1,500 they were going to start charging us a month for Blue Cross and Blue Shield.

Totally highway robbery.

 

walking in the rain

It’s been a while~

I’m not sure where the days go.
Here it is September 30th.

October first is tomorrow.
Crazy.

 

Today is the third anniversary of Cyndi’s death.

I feel like it was yesterday in many ways.

But I have been blessed with another grandchild since she passed.

Her eldest son Richard got remarried.

My sister Kathy has another grandchild as well.

 

I miss her dearly and talk to her almost every day.

Of course she doesn’t answer but I still like talking to her

Life goes on, one works and comes home and works again.
Enjoying the days off like precious jewels.

They seem few and far between.

Sigh.

Cyndi one

The Unimportance Of Me~

Never have I ever felt so unimportant as I do today.

I have been going back and forth to let my youngest daughter’s dogs out while she is in Minnesota visiting her in laws with her family

My son is staying there over night but he has been at his home working on his steps with my husband.

My granddaughters Keira and Kayla were supposed to be here by four.

I had been sitting her not doing anything to make sure I was here when they got here.

Nope no one shows up nor does anyone tell me that they are all over at my son’s working on his steps.

NO ONE TOLD ME THAT IS where my grand daughters were.

So I have sat here waiting for nothing.

AND they decide to have pizza but do I even get an invitation or even the courtesy of letting me know that my grand daughters are over at my son’s?
Nope

No one cares enough to let me know or to invite me to have pizza.

I feel like I am nothing.

Like no one gives a shit

I am so hurt and upset about it I feel like saying “Fuck you all, and I am out of here”
Like they would even miss me.

Yeah right.

 

 

To Be Or Not To Be~

Employed.

That is the question.

I need to go back to work for the sake of some bills and a garage I promised my husband.

I don’t want to, but I need to.

Hate the thought of it but love the idea of having more money, getting things paid off and then getting myself a newer car.

I say car because that is what I am leaning towards.

A Toyota Camry

my new car

I doubt I will go with red again as I had a red Camry once.

But we shall see when it comes to the time to buy one.

I do love the looks of this SUV too.

my new SUV

I am not a huge fan of white cars, because there are so many other pretty colors to choose from but I do like the looks of this.

I will have to drive one and see how I like it before I choose an SUV over a Camry.

I have always thought Camry’s drive themselves they are so smooth.

But again, I must go back to work to make money, to get bills paid to get a new car.

Sigh.

 

 

Florida Bound~

Here in 18 days we will be flying to Florida for a week.

My daughter and her husband and three kids are going as well.

It will be enjoyable.

We usually stay in Daytona but my daughter  found a condo in Palm City that she wanted to stay at so we are staying there.

A bit north of Daytona.

The condo looks ritzy and out of our league, but I will post pictures when we get there.

The ocean is there, which looks very quiet compared to Daytona Beach, and the pool looks pristine and lovely.

My daughter’s husband Adam doesn’t seem to keen on it, he came from a family who never went on vacation so I assume he thinks it is a waste of money and time.

But Emily deserves a vacation and she never had a honeymoon so I think he realizes that too.

I’m sure it will be a great time.

daytona beach

Unfortunately~

Well unfortunately I had to work all weekend when the weather was decent and I could get outside and do yard work.

Today is isn’t even fifty and a cool breeze is blowing and I can’t be out there, or let me say I choose not to be out there working in the shade to get my flower beds cleaned.

I just have one to do but it is a big one and in the shade.
Too cool for that kind of working.

 

I love the warmer temperatures, don’t get me wrong.

But 46 just isn’t warm enough.

Not when we had sixties on Saturday and fifties yesterday.

The days I was stuck inside for ten hours both days.

Wednesday is supposed to be close to sixty again but I have to be at work at two.
And have my grandchildren in the morning so there won’t be any working in the yard that day either.

Sigh.

 

I know warmer weather is coming.

I do know it.

And hopefully it will coincide with my days off eventually.

1977392_454429064703741_1297047025_nyeah it’s bedding but it is pretty……..

Christmas~

I am sitting here listening to Christmas music and printing off recipes to make sugar cookies this year.

I have never attempted to make sugar cookies before, but I am going to attempt it this year.

Something new, you know?

I toy with going back to school, to do something different, but at 57 I want to be done working soon, not starting a new career.

My goal is to be done working by the time I am 60.

Earlier if possible.

Sigh.

Got to stop spending money and get things paid off.

That is the only way I will be able to retire earlier.

And yet I dream of buying a different car.

Yeah I know, screwed up.

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