Category: ramblings


Christmas~

I am sitting here listening to Christmas music and printing off recipes to make sugar cookies this year.

I have never attempted to make sugar cookies before, but I am going to attempt it this year.

Something new, you know?

I toy with going back to school, to do something different, but at 57 I want to be done working soon, not starting a new career.

My goal is to be done working by the time I am 60.

Earlier if possible.

Sigh.

Got to stop spending money and get things paid off.

That is the only way I will be able to retire earlier.

And yet I dream of buying a different car.

Yeah I know, screwed up.

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I Need A Challenge~

I feel like I am in a rut.

Like every day is the same as the day before and will be the same tomorrow.

I need something new.

I need to be challenged in some way.

I don’t know how to explain it.

I just feel like there is nothing to look forward to and or anything to make life exciting.

Maybe I am in a funk again.

I don’t know.

six fifteen

 

 

Phone Number~

I got my cell phone number changed today.
Why you  may wonder?
Because I was getting a lot of calls from people I didn’t even know and they were trying to sell me crap or get me to change insurance or whatever and I just got really tired of answering the calls so I wouldn’t if I didn’t know who was calling.

Well yesterday I got a dozen calls.  A DOZEN and how insane is that?
So I just decided to get the number changed so people will stop calling.

These calls would come from all over our country.

I don’t know anyone in Maine, or California or Arkansas.

It was insane, so I changed the number…….

cell phone

 

 

So yesterday after having a down day I was finishing up my night by reading random posts that other people have written.

People that I don’t know and will never meet.

As I was reading I came upon a blog that was talking about what would happen if you knew the end of the world was coming.
Whose hand would you want to be holding if you saw a wall of water flying at you?

IF the ground was opening up and swallowing everything and every one, whose hand would you want to be holding.
If it was just one person?
Obviously I would want to be hugging my kids and grandkids, I would want to be with them all if the end of the world was upon us.

Chances are they would want to be with their spouses and children.

My grandchildren would want to be with their parents.

I would want to be near my siblings if the end was coming.

But they would want to be with their children and grandchildren.

But if I had to choose only one person.

Only one, that person would be the man I am married to.

As soon as I read that question, “Whose hand would you want to be holding if you could only hold one hand?”

I instantly said “Rick”

Yes he drives me insane and sometimes I don’t even feel like I like him.

But if push came to shove and there was only one person on this earth that I could hold hands with when the end came.

It would be my husband.

And that pretty much says it all doesn’t it?

🙂

2 rick at the beach.jpg

 

The Ugliness Of Cancer~

My friend Laurie has gone through sixteen weeks of chemotherapy.

Now this next week she is going to have surgery to have what is left of the cancer in her breast removed and possibly some lymph nodes as well.

I feel badly for her but she has been such a trooper and I applaud her for being as strong as she has been

And working despite being ill.

I do hope they can get all of the cancer and she can be cancer free soon.

I learned yesterday that I guy I know that lives in our little town has pancreatic cancer.
He is 55.

I don’t know him well, but he is a firefighter in our town (they volunteer) and his sons played baseball with my sons when they were little.

I feel badly for him because they can not cure pancreatic cancer.

(Not that I am aware of)

My sister Cyndi died from liver cancer.

And it was completely through out her body before she died over two years ago.

It was horrific watching her die.

My mother died from cancer 26 years ago.

And it was horrible watching her die as well.

Cancer is so ugly, so devastating……

So horrible…..

I ache for anyone who has to go through it, or like this man here in my town.

It is pretty  much a death sentence.

So sad.

another pic of black roses

 

1803

I was born a country girl.

I was raised in the country.

I love the country and life away from cities.

Maybe some day I can live in the country again………

beautiful fall (2)

Lake Michigan

I lived near the Iowa River too so that may be why I love the water so much.

🙂

 

Do you ever wonder what may or may not have happened IF you chose a different path?

For instance, in 1993 after fourteen years of marriage my husband and I divorced.

Three years later we remarried.

I sometimes wonder where would I be or if I would even be alive, if I hadn’t remarried him?

90% of the time I am a happy woman.

I know I am very blessed with my family and everyone being healthy and happy.

But about one or two times a month I get very blue.

Maybe even depressed.

I realize it could be hormonal….

Or the thought of my youth completely  gone and never going to return.

It could be that I have been in a sexless marriage for the last five years and I am just craving sex.

It could be that money is tight and therefore it makes me down.

It could be the weather and the sunless days.

But I do every now and then wonder what life would be like if I had taken a different path.

Don’t get me wrong, I do love my husband.

More as a brother or a good friend since he no longer desires me or wants that in our lives.

But I do love him.

We have a good life together.

But on my down days, (I suppose today is one of those days) I think about what may have been.

What could have been different?
Where would I be?
Would I be happier?
Would I be alive?
Would I be living in Iowa?

I wonder too if I am abnormal in thinking these things?

I assume it has to do with being depressed.

I don’t know……

pretty leaves

 

 

 

 

 

Color me pretty…..

Color me blue…….

Color me happy…….

Color me missing you……

Color me crying……

Color me smiling……

Color me grateful for the time……(in)

Color me blessed…..

Color me sappy……

Color me pretending to be happy……

I’d like to say I am over it.

I’d like to say it never enters my mind……

I’d like to pretend I am wonderful……..

Lord knows I would be lying…..

It’s been years……

And I still miss you…..

So color me blue…..

blue rose

So I was thinking today how much I miss the ocean, the sun and warmer temperatures.

march 28 2015

No I don’t want it hotter than 80 and no I don’t want any kind of humidity, but I was thinking that once my Ava Marie has grown up, I can see myself spending winters in Florida.

I don’t know if it is because I don’t know when I am going to get to go back, OR if I am just not thrilled with cold weather any longer.

I love winter, I do, but I am not crazy about cold, dreary days for months on end.

I miss the Florida sun.

I miss the ocean.

I literally can see myself going to spend winters in Florida after my four month old grand daughter becomes an adult.

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My husband says “if it’s affordable” and I think “I would make it affordable”

 

 

 

 

 

Why does time off of work go by so quickly?
I will never understand it.

I had my grandchildren today, watching them during the week as I always do and the day just flew by.

Now it is four thirty and almost dinner time.

Where did the day go to?
I just don’t get it.

Time flies when I don’t want it to and when it doesn’t I am usually at work and not wanting to be there, and the time crawls.

Why?
I know I am not alone in this.

I know other people think the same way.

The idea that time flies when you are having fun is so true.

Hate it.

hourglass too