Category: heartfelt


The Power Of Prayer~

Yesterday I had the day off of work to go and do my testing for becoming a CNA again.
A certified nursing assistant.

I was so nervous when I first got there that I felt like I could puke.

I took several deep breaths and then I prayed to my Lord to guide me, to work through me and to help me get through the entire thing.

And a calm came over me and I knew I was going to do alright.

Oh of course I had a small bit of doubt.

I felt if it was something that was meant to be then God would see me through it.

Doing clinicals which was part of the test, it is doing things for a mock patient and having someone watch your every move and grading you on it.

To me that is just as bad as getting up in front of a classroom of people and giving a speech.

I am not comfortable with any of it.

But as I said, I felt God was with me, within me and helped guide me to a successful outcome.

In every aspect of my life I know God is with me.

Sometimes I feel it stronger than other times.

Yesterday I felt it very strongly.

I am very blessed and undeserving for all of my blessings.
But for some reason the Good Lord always has my back.

I am very grateful.

spring.jpg

 

Holiday blahs….

I’m in a funk.
I know a lot of it has to do with being tired.

I slept very badly last night and hope to be in bed by eight tonight.

Have to work the weekend and really wish I didn’t but alas…..what else would I do?
Sit home and watch TV with my husband all weekend?
NO thanks.
I would rather be at work.

 

I’m in a funk.

I feel like I hate everything.

The holiday was a let down.

I felt like it was all pointless.

Maybe I see my kids and their families too much.
It just didn’t seem special at all.

Yeah I told you, I am in a funk.

I hate my life.

Almost every aspect of it.

 

I know I am blessed with healthy children and grandchildren.

Blessed to have a good job and my health.

But I am down and blue

I’m sure part of it is that I have no passion in my life.

Physically or otherwise.

I feel like I am 80 and I hate it.
HATE this feeling of my life is just wasting away to nothing.

Yeah I am in a mood.

 

It’s been a while~

I’m not sure where the days go.
Here it is September 30th.

October first is tomorrow.
Crazy.

 

Today is the third anniversary of Cyndi’s death.

I feel like it was yesterday in many ways.

But I have been blessed with another grandchild since she passed.

Her eldest son Richard got remarried.

My sister Kathy has another grandchild as well.

 

I miss her dearly and talk to her almost every day.

Of course she doesn’t answer but I still like talking to her

Life goes on, one works and comes home and works again.
Enjoying the days off like precious jewels.

They seem few and far between.

Sigh.

Cyndi one

The Unimportance Of Me~

Never have I ever felt so unimportant as I do today.

I have been going back and forth to let my youngest daughter’s dogs out while she is in Minnesota visiting her in laws with her family

My son is staying there over night but he has been at his home working on his steps with my husband.

My granddaughters Keira and Kayla were supposed to be here by four.

I had been sitting her not doing anything to make sure I was here when they got here.

Nope no one shows up nor does anyone tell me that they are all over at my son’s working on his steps.

NO ONE TOLD ME THAT IS where my grand daughters were.

So I have sat here waiting for nothing.

AND they decide to have pizza but do I even get an invitation or even the courtesy of letting me know that my grand daughters are over at my son’s?
Nope

No one cares enough to let me know or to invite me to have pizza.

I feel like I am nothing.

Like no one gives a shit

I am so hurt and upset about it I feel like saying “Fuck you all, and I am out of here”
Like they would even miss me.

Yeah right.

 

 

Dear God~

Dear Lord, we sure do need your help here on earth.
What is going to stop the need people have to do mass shootings?
What do we need to do to prevent this sickness.

Innocent people die due to someone with mental problems or some other problem that they take out on others.

It hurts my heart so deeply that people think they have the right to kill someone else.
Let alone strangers at a Walmart.

God we sure do need your help here on earth.
And we need it badly.

Amen

Florida Bound~

Here in 18 days we will be flying to Florida for a week.

My daughter and her husband and three kids are going as well.

It will be enjoyable.

We usually stay in Daytona but my daughter  found a condo in Palm City that she wanted to stay at so we are staying there.

A bit north of Daytona.

The condo looks ritzy and out of our league, but I will post pictures when we get there.

The ocean is there, which looks very quiet compared to Daytona Beach, and the pool looks pristine and lovely.

My daughter’s husband Adam doesn’t seem to keen on it, he came from a family who never went on vacation so I assume he thinks it is a waste of money and time.

But Emily deserves a vacation and she never had a honeymoon so I think he realizes that too.

I’m sure it will be a great time.

daytona beach

I Need A Challenge~

I feel like I am in a rut.

Like every day is the same as the day before and will be the same tomorrow.

I need something new.

I need to be challenged in some way.

I don’t know how to explain it.

I just feel like there is nothing to look forward to and or anything to make life exciting.

Maybe I am in a funk again.

I don’t know.

six fifteen

 

 

Whose Hand?

So yesterday after having a down day I was finishing up my night by reading random posts that other people have written.

People that I don’t know and will never meet.

As I was reading I came upon a blog that was talking about what would happen if you knew the end of the world was coming.
Whose hand would you want to be holding if you saw a wall of water flying at you?

IF the ground was opening up and swallowing everything and every one, whose hand would you want to be holding.
If it was just one person?
Obviously I would want to be hugging my kids and grandkids, I would want to be with them all if the end of the world was upon us.

Chances are they would want to be with their spouses and children.

My grandchildren would want to be with their parents.

I would want to be near my siblings if the end was coming.

But they would want to be with their children and grandchildren.

But if I had to choose only one person.

Only one, that person would be the man I am married to.

As soon as I read that question, “Whose hand would you want to be holding if you could only hold one hand?”

I instantly said “Rick”

Yes he drives me insane and sometimes I don’t even feel like I like him.

But if push came to shove and there was only one person on this earth that I could hold hands with when the end came.

It would be my husband.

And that pretty much says it all doesn’t it?

🙂

2 rick at the beach.jpg

 

The Ugliness Of Cancer~

My friend Laurie has gone through sixteen weeks of chemotherapy.

Now this next week she is going to have surgery to have what is left of the cancer in her breast removed and possibly some lymph nodes as well.

I feel badly for her but she has been such a trooper and I applaud her for being as strong as she has been

And working despite being ill.

I do hope they can get all of the cancer and she can be cancer free soon.

I learned yesterday that I guy I know that lives in our little town has pancreatic cancer.
He is 55.

I don’t know him well, but he is a firefighter in our town (they volunteer) and his sons played baseball with my sons when they were little.

I feel badly for him because they can not cure pancreatic cancer.

(Not that I am aware of)

My sister Cyndi died from liver cancer.

And it was completely through out her body before she died over two years ago.

It was horrific watching her die.

My mother died from cancer 26 years ago.

And it was horrible watching her die as well.

Cancer is so ugly, so devastating……

So horrible…..

I ache for anyone who has to go through it, or like this man here in my town.

It is pretty  much a death sentence.

So sad.

another pic of black roses

 

Color me pretty…..

Color me blue…….

Color me happy…….

Color me missing you……

Color me crying……

Color me smiling……

Color me grateful for the time……(in)

Color me blessed…..

Color me sappy……

Color me pretending to be happy……

I’d like to say I am over it.

I’d like to say it never enters my mind……

I’d like to pretend I am wonderful……..

Lord knows I would be lying…..

It’s been years……

And I still miss you…..

So color me blue…..

blue rose