the kiss of death   Leave a comment

so my back doctor told me plain and simply that I need to lose weight.
he even suggested I join a gym and hire a personal trainer to get myself in better shape and get this weight off.

So I am going to join a gym this coming Monday with my sister (she already is a member of this gym) and we are going to go and work out Monday through Friday every week.

the other night I had a dream that my husband left me for another woman.
I may have mentioned that in a previous blog.
however twice last night he said to our children when they were all over for dinner ” So your mother dreams I am having an affair, but she is going to join a gym to get skinny”
The first time he said it I looked at him and said “I am joining a gym because that is what my doctor suggests I do”
He smiles and says “I know honey, I was teasing”
the second time he said it, it wasn’t funny, teasing or not.

he has always had a problem with me doing something that might make me thinner, and while I realize it is an insecurity in him, that he worries, getting thinner for me, is all about being healthier, and if it helps the arthritis in my back to be thinner, than that is what I need to do.
I’m not doing it to catch the eye of any man on this planet.
I am doing it for myself.

this morning as I was getting ready for work I put on perfume like I always do and he said to me “Who do you wear perfume for?”
I replied “Myself”

and then before I left he said “Is that all you are going to wear for a coat?”
(I have worn this same jacket for months now!)
I said “Yep”
Suddenly I feel like he is attacking every decision I make.

Sigh……

jealousy is the kiss of death to me.
I hate jealousy in people.
It makes them be ugly and hateful.

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Posted February 10, 2011 by Marge in ramblings

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