Thoughts In My Head~

It is eleven thirty pm on this Saturday night.
The house is quiet.
All are sleeping except me of course.
I think my body has gotten so use to being up all night from working third shift that I find it hard to sleep when I am off.

But alas…..I work the next four nights after tonight so…..

This is my big week.
I work six out of the seven days this week.

I hate the long week but I think working is good for me so I enjoy it and know I feel better physically when I am working.

There was a lot of bumming on these few days off.

I can even admit to being bored a time or two.

NOT because there wasn’t things to do but more that the things I could have done or should have done, didn’t appeal to me.

I want to be outside.

Today was decent, about 35 degrees warm enough to wash all the gunk off of my car.

It is nice and clean again.

But not warm enough to be out working in the yard.

 

Had Brian’s little birthday dinner.

Which was nice.

The only one missing was Paula but she will be here next weekend and they will all get together then.
I probably won’t join them as I will have to work both Friday and Saturday nights and will need sleep before I go to work.

But we shall see.

Maybe I can get away with not sleeping before I go in on Saturday night.

The five younger grandchildren are here all sleeping around me.

🙂

Anyway they are having a little party of sorts, next Sunday when Emily gets her hair shaved off.

Her hair dresser suggested they do a big deal about it with friends and her kids if she wants.

Paula will go and I will probably too.
Just to take pictures and have them for her to remeember the occasion by.

I think shaving her head for surgery is going to be a pretty big deal for Emily.

I am quite sure she hasn’t let the full impact of all of this hit her just yet.

But once her head is shaven, it will.

 

I suggested she buy a wig but she thinks they are too expensive but I will help pay for one if that is something she decides to do later on.

It is hard to say how long it will take her to grow a full head of hair back.

Adam bless his heart, it going to shave his head too just so that they can go through it together.

Ten days from today is her surgery.
Actually ten days from today she will be out of surgery and in ICU for the night and God willing it will all be well and she will do fine.

I won’t lie, I am a bit worried but I know I have to put it in God’s hands and He will do what He thinks is best.

I hope and pray He believes Emily is needed to see her children to adults.

I can’t imagine a life without her in it and I don’t ever want to.

I never want to outlive any of my children or grandchildren.

I don’t know that I could do it.

Oh deep down I know I could, I just don’t want to.

And God willing I will never have to.

 

My aunt Loretta became a horrible alcoholic when she lost her son Jerry in 1974

Who died at twenty one from getting hit by a truck when he was on his motorcycle.
And then eleven years later one of her daughters was murdered by a man who she had been dating but broke up with.

And then she lost a daughter to cancer, 2 actually and another son to a heart attack.

All before my aunt passed from this earth.

It would be horrific to have to survive losing a child, not to mention her losing five of the ten she had.

I hope I never have to endure that.
And God willing I won’t.

 

Anyway I don’t mean to be morbid or think of death or even write about it.

It is just on my mind with Emily and I hope it will all be fine.

My life is pretty damn good just the way it is and honestly I don’t want any of it to change.

Sure I could have more money and be thinner as I always say.

But both are a work in progress.

I am a very blessed woman and I know it.

 

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