Do you ever wonder what may or may not have happened IF you chose a different path?
For instance, in 1993 after fourteen years of marriage my husband and I divorced.
Three years later we remarried.
I sometimes wonder where would I be or if I would even be alive, if I hadn’t remarried him?
90% of the time I am a happy woman.
I know I am very blessed with my family and everyone being healthy and happy.
But about one or two times a month I get very blue.
Maybe even depressed.
I realize it could be hormonal….
Or the thought of my youth completely gone and never going to return.
It could be that I have been in a sexless marriage for the last five years and I am just craving sex.
It could be that money is tight and therefore it makes me down.
It could be the weather and the sunless days.
But I do every now and then wonder what life would be like if I had taken a different path.
Don’t get me wrong, I do love my husband.
More as a brother or a good friend since he no longer desires me or wants that in our lives.
But I do love him.
We have a good life together.
But on my down days, (I suppose today is one of those days) I think about what may have been.
What could have been different?
Where would I be?
Would I be happier?
Would I be alive?
Would I be living in Iowa?
I wonder too if I am abnormal in thinking these things?
I assume it has to do with being depressed.
I don’t know……
Leave a Reply