Every Now And Then~

Do you ever wonder what may or may not have happened IF you chose a different path?

For instance, in 1993 after fourteen years of marriage my husband and I divorced.

Three years later we remarried.

I sometimes wonder where would I be or if I would even be alive, if I hadn’t remarried him?

90% of the time I am a happy woman.

I know I am very blessed with my family and everyone being healthy and happy.

But about one or two times a month I get very blue.

Maybe even depressed.

I realize it could be hormonal….

Or the thought of my youth completely  gone and never going to return.

It could be that I have been in a sexless marriage for the last five years and I am just craving sex.

It could be that money is tight and therefore it makes me down.

It could be the weather and the sunless days.

But I do every now and then wonder what life would be like if I had taken a different path.

Don’t get me wrong, I do love my husband.

More as a brother or a good friend since he no longer desires me or wants that in our lives.

But I do love him.

We have a good life together.

But on my down days, (I suppose today is one of those days) I think about what may have been.

What could have been different?
Where would I be?
Would I be happier?
Would I be alive?
Would I be living in Iowa?

I wonder too if I am abnormal in thinking these things?

I assume it has to do with being depressed.

I don’t know……