Archive for October 2016

Sisters   Leave a comment

 

sister time 2

This was taken last May.

Actually almost five months ago.

Strange how quickly life can change.

 

Posted October 16, 2016 by Marge in family, heartfelt, ramblings

Wake me up before you go-go   Leave a comment

I want to go on vacation.

I want to be sitting in the sun soaking up rays.

Yes it is beautiful in Iowa right now but I really just want to check out of my life and be somewhere else.

Sad to say but true.

 

I know same old song different day.

Since Cyndi’s passing I have realized that life is just too short to be doing anything that I don’t like doing.

Yes I knew life was short before she passed but her dying has just re-awakened me to the fact that life is so short and I need to get busy living.

 

I am committed to getting out of debt faster and being able to retire earlier then 9 years from now.

I am going to shoot for 60 instead of 65

My car will be paid off and by then I should be debt free except of course for my house.

That is my goal.

4 years and 7 months from now…..1,668 days.

I can do this…..

🙂

d5ac99de-b1fe-463e-81ab-725b9b5486cc

 

Posted October 16, 2016 by Marge in heartfelt, ramblings

Heartache~   Leave a comment

I am here at my nephew’s watching his children why he has Drills this weekend.

His children are 11 and 8

Demetri is the eldest and Lexis is the youngest.

I asked Lexie earlier if she had any pictures of Nana and if not would she like one?
I said “Ask your mom first so I know she won’t mind and then I will bring you a picture of Nana”
Lexie’s response was “No thanks I don’t want a picture”
😦

Kind of broke my heart.

Cyndi adored her grandchildren.

Adored them.

It is heart breaking that they are so unfeeling with her being gone.

It hurts my heart to see it.

 

I realize not everyone shows love the way I do.

My own husband told me his family NEVER ever expressed love for each other until I came into his family.

That I taught his family to express love.

Weird to me but okay.

So I am guessing Demetri and Lexie come from a family that doesn’t show a lot of love????
I know Cyndi showed them love, but maybe their parents don’t?
Richard and Carrie have been divorced for many years so I don’t know how she is at her own home with her new husband.

But whatever, I just find it heart breaking that these two children are going to never realize how much their Nana adored them.

Yes I will keep reminding them, but will they even listen?????

😦

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Posted October 16, 2016 by Marge in family, heartfelt, ramblings

Live, laugh and love~   Leave a comment

wrinkles

As I grow older I learn what agrees with me and what doesn’t as far as eating goes.

I have been dealing with stomach issues all day.

Ugh.

Hate it.

But it is what it is and at this date in my life, I should now better.

 

I am 55, and after these last two weeks I feel like I have aged ten years.

No one should have to watch someone they love die, and yet I wouldn’t have been anywhere else.

Still it takes a toll on me, it sort of haunts me.

I wake up in the middle of the night thinking of her

I still find it hard to imagine she is gone even two weeks later.

I told my sister I want to rewind it all.

And I do.

I wish I could.

Unfortunately I can’t and so I just have to learn from this and do better with the remaining family I have.

God willing we will not lose another family member for a long while.

cyndi-2

I miss you Cyndi, more and more every day.

 

 

Posted October 15, 2016 by Marge in family, God, heartfelt, Uncategorized

Good Question~   Leave a comment

excuse me

I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to be at the beach soaking up the rays.

Sigh~

Posted October 15, 2016 by Marge in ramblings

Friday says it all~   Leave a comment

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This just says it all.

I so love Friday’s and knowing I have the weekend off.

Sigh~

49819-Its-Friday

🙂

 

Posted October 14, 2016 by Marge in ramblings

Yearning~   Leave a comment

I am yearning to be in Florida right now, soaking up the rays.

I am so pale and I so need a vacation where I can just relax and not think or feel.

06134_pool_view_3

I would so love to be laying here taking in nature’s beauty

daytona

Maybe next spring~

Posted October 13, 2016 by Marge in Uncategorized

Fog~   Leave a comment

I am quite confused at my state of mind.

I feel like I am living in a fog.

My sister Cyndi died 14 days ago and I still can’t seem to wrap my head around it.

It feels like I am dreaming and can’t wake up.

I know she died.

I was with her when she took her last breath.

But for some reason it seems inconceivable to me that she is gone.

I just don’t understand why I can’t accept it.

It is so weird.

And maybe saying I can’t accept it is the wrong choice of words.

It is more that I can’t believe it is true.

I don’t know…..

 

She has been a part of my life all of my life.

She took care of me more when I was a child then my own mother did.

Yes we had our differences.

She was more of an in your face kind of person.

She was more, “it is my way or the highway” kind of person.

I loved her dearly but I didn’t always agree with her and or even like things she said.

 

As adults I am closer to my two younger sisters then I ever was  with her.

So why am I having such a hard time of it?

I guess it is just because she has always been there, and now she isn’t.

She has left a huge void in my family with her passing.

I miss her dearly.

cyndi-3

This was her last June.

Love you Cyndi.

 

 

 

Posted October 13, 2016 by Marge in family, heartfelt, ramblings

Big dreams, ideas……little money~   Leave a comment

My sister in Florida is struggling and I wish so badly I could help her.

Her son and his wife and Kathy are going to be moving back to Iowa.

Maybe before the end of this year

I am the one with the big ideas….if only I could help her buy a house….or trailer…..if only I could put up the money to move them backup here….

If only there was enough money for all of that…..

I am a dreamer like my mother was.

And for the most part I am content with my life.

But why do they have to struggle?
Why can’t I be rich enough to help?
Darn it.

 

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we all have our own sailboat called life.

We all are the master and commander of our own ship.

But it sure would be nice to be able to help someone who is dealing with a hole in their boat…..

 

 

Posted October 12, 2016 by Marge in heartfelt, ramblings

5 years ago already~   Leave a comment

5 years ago today my sister Linda died.

I can’t believe it has been five years already.

Where has the time gone.

And now Cyndi is gone too.

How I hate it.

I realize a death is promised to every single one of us, but still…..there is such a void when you lose a family member.

More so with Cyndi then with Linda because Linda was estranged from our family and I hadn’t seen her for over 20 years, except for the last hours of her life.

She didn’t even know who I was when she first saw me.

I had to tell her who I was.

 

Still life moves on and we all have become neglectful on keeping close to our siblings.

It takes losing a sibling to realize, hey, wake up here…….we aren’t going to be around forever…..

linda-5

this is Linda back in the late 70’s

She was a beauty.

Posted October 11, 2016 by Marge in family, ramblings