where am I?   Leave a comment

Whatever happened to me?  Where in the hell did I go?
I use to be so passionate, vivacious and raring to go.

Now I feel like the life has been sucked out of me.
I exist.
I am a robot moving from one day to the next.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I didn’t know this was happening to me.  I didn’t just wake up and realize I was this way.
No…it isn’t that simple or that complex.

I gave in, I gave up.
I’ve become old and tired long before my time.

I could blame my husband who has been old for years, but he didn’t force me to be this way.
he made it easy for me to be this way, but he didn’t force it on me.

Truth is, I have settled into this boring life because it is easier.
I have become quite lazy.

And I hate who I have become and I must change.

I use to love to wake up and be ready to tackle the day.
now I just give into it

I am in a rut.  I feel the weight of being despondent, pulling me down, trying to conform me to this life long before I should be ready for it.

I want to find me again.
I want to feel like I’m living again.
To find excitement in things….in life.

And while I know I have so very many blessings….I have lost me in the process……….

and it makes me sad.
I gave up putting me first years ago, and now I am suffering because of it.


Posted November 23, 2014 by Marge in heartfelt, ramblings

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