no mans land   Leave a comment

in the big scheme of things, I am nothing but a little speck of dust blowing in the wind.

I am important to myself, and hopefully important to some people, but in the vastness of this world, I am just a crumb.

and most of the time I am completely happy with my lot in life.

but sometimes, like yesterday, I want to flee

I want to find something out there in the big world to make me feel complete.

sometimes I feel like a piece of myself is missing and I can not for the life of me find it.

it scares me at times when I get so down that I feel like life isn’t worth living.
I can’t say I was at that point yesterday but I was at the point where I just wanted to go to bed and not deal with anything.

yes depression runs through my family and yes I have come to think it may have bitten me as well.

most days I can walk out of that fog and find a happiness.

yesterday I just wanted to forget every responsiblity I had and run away.

and then my youngest child reaches out to me, and asks for help and it is like God’s light is shining down on me and reminding me that of all the things I am, and all that I may or may not be, I am a mother, first and foremost.
While my children may be adults, they still need me to some degree.

and my grandchildren are my children all over again.

So while I managed to pull myself back up and remember what is important in life.

I have to remind myself that hopelessness is a very dark and dangerous place.

a place I do not care to dwell in.


Posted May 9, 2012 by Marge in family, God, heartfelt, ramblings

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