Archive for January 24, 2012

what’s wrong with me?   Leave a comment

I am in a really horrible funky mood.

not sure what it is.
I feel like I hate life right now.

it is odd and quite strange and I haven’t felt this down and blue for a long time.

as I told my sister in an email, I feel like I am a beached whale slowly dying

I don’t understand my own mind sometimes.
I really don’t

I would love to just get in my car and drive away

I know the job is the worst of it.
I am bored out of my mind and so very tired of cleaning up after people

I feel like there is no excitement in life.

every single day is a repeat of the day before.

every single day nothing changes.

what is wrong with me?
I haven’t a clue, but I hate feeling this way.

I honestly just want to run away………


Posted January 24, 2012 by Marge in heartfelt, ramblings

odds are   Leave a comment

my son Matt told me my eldest child is coming to the Iowa City area this weekend and she asked him if he would be willing to host a gathering at his place and anyone could come.
He told me, “Anyone means that you can join in too mom”
(For those of you who don’t know, my eldest child decided over two years ago that I no longer need to be her mother and she didn’t care to have me in her life—but won’t say what I did or didn’t do to warrant this from her)

I told my son Matt that I needed him to ask her if that included me.
I will not show up, if she doesn’t want me there.
Yeah it hurts, but such is life.
One day I may die, and she may or may not regret pushing me away.
odds are, she won’t though.


Posted January 24, 2012 by Marge in family, my loves, ramblings