Archive for October 20, 2011

hanging on to guilt   Leave a comment

I laugh and smile and then feel guilty for doing so
My sister Linda pops in my head as she is laying there dying last week and then I think, why am I laughing and smiling?
What is wrong with me to find joy when my sister has just died?

I realize everyone needs a release, everyone needs to keep on living.

and yet I feel guilty

??
Sometimes I don’t know my own mind anymore…………

  I feel frustrated and lost and inadequate and just don’t know anymore………..

what is it all about?
what is the freaking point?
I’m clueless………..

Posted October 20, 2011 by Marge in heartfelt, ramblings

flying/running away   Leave a comment

I find myself wanting to fly away

to escape

to leave all that I have behind and find the real me somewhere else.

I go through these spurts and maybe it is a bit of depression sinking in, but I do often wonder what triggers these urges I have to run

I know I have a good life, I know I am blessed in so many ways
I have people who love me, who count on me and who need me, so why do I sometimes want to just runaway and escape from it all?

there are times when I just want to get in my car and drive.
Leave it all behind and discover who I am and what I am made of, without any outside influences.
and then I just feel guilty for feeling that way

sometimes I want to get in an airplane and fly some where alone and just exist for a while and dig deep within me to find what is missing and making me feel at a loss

maybe it is the devil at work?
maybe it is just that I am mentally unbalanced and it rears its ugly head at times?
maybe I am just feeling lost?

my sister dying has made me realize that life is a precious thing that I take for granted.

I only have this one life, is this how I want to live it?

I don’t have any answers.

For my grandchildren and my daughter Emily, I know I am needed and should stay

so why do I want to run or fly away?

Posted October 20, 2011 by Marge in heartfelt, ramblings

kiss me   Leave a comment

kiss me and tell me that you love me

hold me and vow to always be here

make me believe you mean forever

and darling I swear I will always care

love me like there is no tomorrow

hug me like you never want to let go

kiss me and make me believe in forever

because I so badly want to believe we will never

let go of each other again

Posted October 20, 2011 by Marge in heartfelt, my loves, ramblings