Archive for July 12, 2011

the twists and turns in my life   2 comments

I was in a funk earlier and I know why
I watched the Natalie Portman/Ashton Kutcher movie about friends just being “F—  Buddies” and living their lives as the normal rate they were going.
of course they fall in love and it ends happily  (sorry I can’t think of what the movie was titled)

That put me in a funk because let’s face it, I probably have one of the least romantic men on the planet as my husband.
I try and make it work, I do put forth the effort to light a fire under him and therefore our marriage, but it is to no avail.
He doesn’t get it.
Or maybe he just doesn’t want to?

watching a move about a passionate couple falling in love, makes me once again realize what I don’t have.
Thus, the down mood this morning.

But it is time to snap out of it.
Passion in a marriage isn’t the most important thing in life.
I do know that.

I have decided I am going to Utah in September.
Even if I have to go alone.
I am going.
If my husband doesn’t want to go I will ask one of my sisters or a friend or maybe even one of my children

But if I have to go alone, I will go alone.
I need the vacation.

Yes I was in Florida in April, but I need this vacation to Utah.
I just need it.

I’ve also decided I need to live for myself more.
And do what I want to do.
I may never go to college and get a degree where I make more money, but I am going to take some writing courses and other courses that interest me.
I’m tired of just existing in life.
It is time to step out of my comfort zone.

I have many blessings in my life and I know I am a well-loved woman, but there are things I need in life that I am not getting and I need to just branch out and take care of myself.
I only have this one life to live
I best get to living it.

no more pouting and complaining and wishing things were different from what they are.
Only I can improve my life.
Only me.
And I intend to get busy doing it.

Posted July 12, 2011 by Marge in ramblings

in the heart of it all   Leave a comment

do you ever feel like you are lonely even when you are standing in a room full of people?
do you ever yearn for something only to find once you get it, it wasn’t what you really wanted?

do you ever get something you wanted, only to find you are too chicken to take that leap?

what is it all for?
Where do we go from here?
does anyone else feel like they are swimming in a river of mud?

does anyone ever feel stagnant and going nowhere?

I can go weeks, literally months when I know I am doing what I should be doing.
Living the straight and narrow and I find myself happy and content.

And then along comes the doom and gloom.

where I feel like I am in a rut

maybe it is due to the dieting and not getting any chocolate in my system.
Maybe it is the mid-life blues.
or maybe it is I am turning into my negative husband whose cup is half empty and the whole world is a rotten place to be, attitude.

I need an adventure.
I need something to look forward to.
Today I have the doldrums.

Posted July 12, 2011 by Marge in ramblings