yes it is true, I started Christmas shopping already!
Probably seems silly to people, but I saw something on-line that gave me an idea and I went ahead and bought something for my daughters and daughter-in-laws.
🙂

Christmas won’t be as extravagant as it has been in previous years simply because the cost is unnecessary and my children don’t buy for my husband and I so therefore we are just going to tone it down a bit.
My husband has been wanting me to tone it down for a few years now.
I usually spend $150 a piece for my children and $100 for the spouses or significant other.
This year I don’t plan on spending more than $50 on them all.
they all have what they want and need so therefore I am just going to simplify things.

I am in no way ready for winter and Christmas, but I did start my shopping.
And it is a good feeling.
🙂

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what hurts the most, is having you so close, and having so much to say, and watching you walk away, and never knowing what could have been, and not seeing what I was trying to do

I hate the distance, but I have no idea how to bridge this estrangement between us.

I look at pictures of you as a child and I wonder, how did we go from loving mother and daughter to what we are today?
Which is nothing

my sister talks often about the love she has for her son, and that nothing or no one could ever come before him.

and I think to myself, where did I fail with you?
What did I do wrong?
What was so horribly wrong, that you refuse to even acknowledge me?

I look at your siblings and thank GOD that they still love me and want me in their lives.
I know you being the first-born, I was learning with you.
I failed you and I know that.
But it wasn’t like I abused you or let someone else abuse you.
I made mistakes.
I make them every day of my life
But one thing I know to be true is, you are my daughter and I love you so very much, just as much as your brothers and sister.
And I hate the distance between us.