does any one ever wish they could just check out of their lives?
I don’t mean suicide, I mean, just do something different with their lives?

does anyone just wish they could do it over and do it differently?
I know I have touched on this all before and I’m sorry if it is repetitive dear reader.

At least once every six weeks or so, I feel the need to just check out of my life.
Every once in a while I just can’t help but think there has to be more to life than what I am living.
And I honestly don’t mean traveling or spending a lot of money or anything like that.
I just mean live differently than what I am living.

It hits me every now and then that I just don’t want to be married any more.
My husband is indifferent.
My husband doesn’t have an ounce of romance in him.

He really doesn’t even see me, or know me.
And while you may be thinking that is my fault for not expressing myself, I have expressed myself, I have tried to get him to be romantic as I am putting forth the effort to be romantic to him…….

he is clueless.
Or maybe he just doesn’t care?
maybe he is just lazy?

I live a stagnant life or that is how I feel when I am with him most of the time.

and no I am not thinking I can be divorced and find someone new.
Another man in my life is not what I am looking for.
I just feel like, since I am practically living alone now, with him there, why not just move out and live my life without having to think of his wants or needs?

I know I sound selfish.
I do know that.
But if this is the only life I am ever going to have, shouldn’t I be living it the way I want to?

I know there are probably women out there who are either widowed or divorced who would gladly have the life I have.

to have a man to go home to every night.
Even if that man is more like a brother than a husband.

it is sad really, to have this feeling every so often that I just want to flee.

But I don’t want to lose my children and grandchildren and that is what keeps me there.
Only that.
Yes I love my husband and I do care about him.
And no I don’t think I am better than he is nor do I think I even deserve better.
I just feel like I am sinking with this incredible weight choking me

no it isn’t all the time…it is just every now and then.
And I wonder……..am I alone or does every person go through this?

or could I just be depressed?

Advertisement

although I am not as big of a fan of American Idol as I use to be (it lost its zest when they lost Paula and Simon)  I turn it on occasionally

I have been watching the last few weeks and I do have to say Haley and Scotty are both really good.
Both could be on country radio right now.
Both are young
Haley is 16 and Scotty is 17.

I would like to see Scotty win it, but I’m pretty sure it will go to Haley.
Last year I wanted Crystal Bowersox to win it, but Lee Dewayze did instead.
And neither one have done anything much since they won.
Especially Lee Dewayze
I have heard Bowersox’s song but hear nothing about  Dewayze.

I do hope who ever wins tonight they take advantage of it and do something big.
Be the next Carrie Underwood or Kelly Clarkson and make a name for yourself!!!!

I am a big fan of Dancing with the Stars.
Why you may wonder?
Because I think it is beautiful and elegant the way the stars learn to dance and become better and better every week.
It makes my Monday’s not so bad when I know I get to go home and watch Dancing with the Stars.
And every season I pick the person I think or want to win.
Every year, since I have been watching it the last four years.

And I have picked the right person the last three of the four years.
Well this year my pick was Kristie Alley and her partner the hunk Maksim Chmerkovxkiy, but alas they came in second.
I was disappointed.
no Kristie wasn’t the best dancer out there but she was improving every week.

And I love her sass and that she is 60 years old and over weight but still determined to do it all.
Hines Ward won it and I don’t think he was any better than Chelsea Kane, who I thought if anyone was going to win over Maxs and Kristie, it should have been Chelsea.
But it didn’t work that way.
Guess Hines has a lot more fans than the other two stars.

I still think Chelsea was way better than Hines was, although he was good too.
But my heart was set on Kristie.

Oh well…..I’m sure they are all happy it is over with

🙂