Archive for October 5, 2010

Forever and ever Amen   Leave a comment

thanks be to God.
I have prayed, I have sat and thought long and hard and prayed some more and I now have a peace inside of me.

What I have been writing these last few days has left me.
I feel an inner peace just because I prayed and asked God to give me guidance and strength.

It literally feels like He said to me “Get out of the realm of needing to change, let go of the devil working its way into you…..Seek and you shall find, pray and your prayers will be answered.”

and I am free of this need to run
Free of wanting to change and run away from the unpleasant things in my life.

Only I can move forward and see the possibilities out there for me.
That doesn’t mean I have to run to find them.
I can stay grounded and seek them in a newfound way…..

with God holding my hand every step of the way.
Thank you Lord for your never ending patience in me.

Posted October 5, 2010 by Marge in God, ramblings

Really?   Leave a comment

I love you sis, I really do, but do you really think I don’t have hobbies or outside interests?
I think I have more hobbies than most people.

I read, write, crochet, knit, work in my yard, go for walks, take pictures, seek out places to watch sunrises and sunsets,spend hours with my grandchildren….and even have a few programs on TV that I like to watch….
This isn’t about life being easier and or being less lonely.
I am married and I feel incredibly alone more than I don’t.

This is about me as a person and how I feel like I am not reaching my potential due to being married to someone who is at least twenty years older than he should be in everything he thinks, says and does.

and I am not blaming him.
I am just looking at myself and thinking ………
I am 49 years old and my life is going nowhere.
I may as well be 69 or 79 for all the joy and excitement I get out of life.

My grandchildren are my source of pure love and inspiration.
And the person I am, is buried deep inside due to obligations I feel I must abide by….

as I wrote before I feel like I am out in a huge body of water with this anchor tied around my neck that is pulling me under.

And no I don’t think I am depressed.
it isn’t that…..

It is more….there has to be more to life than this……

I don’t want things easier and handed to me.
I want to work for what I have and find the person inside who is buried so deep I wonder if she even exists any more?

I realize this probably makes no sense to anyone but me……

but who will save me, if I don’t do it myself?

Posted October 5, 2010 by Marge in ramblings