Archive for September 29, 2010

Dear Lord   Leave a comment

Father, please help me to take down the negative pictures in my mind and replace them with faith-filled photos, special memories and images of hope for a tremendous future

I believe You want me to enlarge my vision, to expand my horizons, and to engage in a life that will have eternal significance.

 

this is from a book I am reading by Joel Osteen titled “Daily Readings from Your Best Life Now”

I  have to keep positive.
I have to believe that I am supposed to be where I am.

I have to find an inner peace…..

Dear Lord help me find that inner peace.
It is in your son Jesus’ name I pray
Amen.

Posted September 29, 2010 by Marge in God, ramblings

what do I do with me?   1 comment

without you, where do I go?  Where do I turn? I just don’t know.

in the back corner of my mind there is a place where the real me is sitting cross-legged and cramped and feeling neglected and blue.

this part of myself whom very few people know or understand.
this part of myself who rarely if ever gives a voice to the true thoughts and feelings that I possess.

I remember as a young girl growing up, that I wanted to be different from my siblings.
I wanted to make things work I wanted to jump outside the mold and be something different.

I remember watching my eldest sister be such a fantastic mother to her daughters and I thought, ‘if only I could be half as good of a mother as she is, I will have done a great thing’

and I have tried……

with the exception of a few years of floundering on my part I have always put my children before myself

I have always tried to be the best mother and wife that I could be.

But in doing that….I have lost myself.

now that my children are grown I look to my grandchildren for my happiness.
And I adore them all so much and I thank God daily for their lives being intertwined with mine.

but I feel lost
I feel uncertain.
I feel confused and sad and blue.

no I am not depressed, I am just lost and feeling incredibly alone.

that part of me that is sitting in the corner of my mind, wants to break free.
She is tired of being put last.
She wants free to run and jump and experience everything that I have held her back from…….

but at what price do I let her escape and run free?

without my children, who are all grown and don’t really need me any more and my grandchildren who light up my life in so many ways….what would I do with me?
If I didn’t have them, where would I go?
How would I function?

and would I lose them?

that is my biggest fear…..that if I let myself be who I yearn to be, that I would lose my little grand children in the process…..

What would I do with me?

Posted September 29, 2010 by Marge in ramblings

on the other hand…….   Leave a comment

on one hand I have things tied neatly in a bow, I know my place, I know my part and I know what is required of me.
on the other hand I feel like I am floundering….drifting out to sea with no life support to keep me from drowning

on one hand there are days I feel like I own the world and feel rich and content

on the other hand, I still have an ache to run and discover new things and possibilities

on one hand I feel obligated and on the other hand I feel like I should live for me.

On one hand….I put everyone’s wants and needs above my own

and on the other hand…..I fear if I put myself first I will lose all those I love so much….

on one hand I can see the future and all it holds

but on the other hand…….I see a dead end road

On one hand I feel discontent more often than I feel content anymore

but on the other hand…..

Posted September 29, 2010 by Marge in ramblings