in the back of my mind

in the back of my mind, where the door is almost always closed I think of yesteryear and wonder if I made the best choices for myself?
I realize there is no point in looking in to the past, but sometimes I find a lot of happiness and comfort there.

I listen to oldies music that my mother use to listen to and it takes me back to when I was a child and all the wonderful memories I have of that time.

I am the kind of person who usually takes the easy road.
I don’t want conflict or danger or even to upset the apple cart.
hell to be honest I am the type of person who doesn’t want to even bump the apple cart.
I have always been a person who tries to please instead of putting myself first and pleasing myself.
so occasionally in the back of my mind I wonder…..where would I be if not for the choices I made?

I remember after I had my two kids I wanted badly to go to Nursing school.
But my mother said to me “you will never do it”
and that blew my confidence right out the window and I never did it, and instead I had two more children.
Taking the easy road.
BUT…..if not for having these two children I wouldn’t have my two grand daughters and the baby on the way.
So how can my choice have been a bad one?
It wasn’t of course…..but they say, what you don’t know you won’t miss, right?
And yet in the back of my mind is that 24-year-old girl who still wishes to go to Nursing school.

that is just one example but I think you get the drift…..

And I wonder, do other people look at their lives and think, what if I had done this…..instead of what I did?

or am I just an oddity?

 

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