Up close and personal   Leave a comment

how well do we know each other?
how often do we let our siblings and friends and family see the REAL us?

I find that those I hold dearest don’t even know the real me so I know that my few friends don’t have a clue to what I am really about.

My eldest child wants nothing to do with me.
I have some how unknowingly sabotaged any and all feeling she has ever had for me and while I try not to dwell on it, once in a while it comes up and rears its ugly head at me.
I don’t have a clue why I am no long important to her or what I have done to have her no longer want me for a mother.

But there are times when I think about her and whatever I did to make her no longer want me in her life, I wonder…..how much longer before the other three feel this way?
how do I know I am not saying or doing something right now that will  hurt them or make them so upset with me that they won’t want me in their lives?

That is where the cellophane comes in again.
I am learning to not speak my true thoughts.
to not give my honest opinion because my eldest child has made me doubt everything about myself.

Sometimes I think it is quite unfair of her to no longer want me as her mother but she won’t tell me what I did or didn’t do to warrant this estrangement.

you know, so I won’t make the same mistake with the other three kids.

But I don’t have a clue.

So while I think about getting up close and personal with anyone that I love or care about…..I wonder, what flaw in me is presenting itself……and will I end up having them all run away…….

Posted October 26, 2009 by Marge in family, my loves, ramblings

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