yesterday at this time I was pumped up and had all kinds of energy.
Today I feel quite tired and wish I could lay down and take a nap.
I can’t of course and I won’t when I get home because then I won’t sleep well tonight.
And Lord knows I don’t sleep well at night as it is, I definitely don’t want to add a nap in there to mess it up any more than it already is.

Tomorrow is Friday thank God.
Wish today was Friday but….guess I can handle one more day.

Anyway…Happy Thursday one and all!
🙂

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Friday is D- Day

The day when I took a stupid quiz on  Face Book that said I am going to die on October 9, 2009

so if I should die on this day there are a few things I want to say before I go.

First and foremost I NEED my grand daughters to know that I adore them, that I love them so very much and I HOPE HOPE HOPE, everyone keeps telling them all their lives how much their Nana loves them

Secondly is my children.
My oldest daughter hates me for what I can’t honestly say, but all I do know is she wants nothing to do with me and wants me to not refer to her as my daughter or me as her mother.
she says it has nothing to do with my past mistakes and yet what have I done to warrant this?
I have no idea and she won’t tell me.

Regardless of her feelings for me I love her so very much and wish we could be closer.

My oldest son Brian is so much like me in so many ways.
He is a hot head and has a hard time looking past the black and white of things.
But he is loyal and wonderful and I love him so very much

My second born son is forever able to make me laugh and he has given me the two most beautiful grand daughters any woman could ever have.
Images of himself.
He has a good head on his shoulders and needs to realize that about himself.
I love you Matt.

My youngest daughter is my angel and for all the faults I have ever had and shown her, she loves me unconditionally.
If I die on the 9th, I will not get to see her little peanut born.
I will not be there to help her through labor and delivery.
I will not get to hold her child and bask in the wonder of mother hood with her, and I won’t be there to see additional babies and her wedding day.

I love you very much Emily.

Not being  there for Emily and not being able to love my grand children the way I ache to, will be my biggest regret if I leave this earth.

The older three children don’t need me anymore and definitely not in the way Emily does.

My siblings all know that I love them
Kathy knows me better than any of them, although I feel Wanda and I can be pretty close too.

My older sisters were my rock and foundation when I was a young girl and both Carolyn and Cyndi have molded me to the woman I am today.
My sister Linda and I have never been close but I do love her and hope she is always doing well.
My one and only brother is remarkably cool and a great guy to talk to.

I love you all very much!

To my two daughter in laws, thank you first for my beautiful grand children and secondly try to have patience with my sons
They are good men, even if they can be hard to live with at times.

To Adam who I can only imagine will one day marry my Emily, thank you for making her happy and for the baby on the way!

To my sister in law Brenda and her husband Rick, I hope you both live long and happy lives together and some how find your way back to Iowa to visit!

To my second set of children, Heather, Becky, Bobby Jo and Wendy, you all four will always hold a special place in my heart because you are all beautiful wonderful young women who are the shining stars that made up your mother!
And I loved spending time with all of you.
I’m just sorry it wasn’t as much as it could have been.

My friends, you know WHO YOU ARE…..and you know that I love you.

Last but not least to Rick, thank you for your endless patience with me and your unconditional love.
I know I have not been the easiest person to be married to and I hope that if it is your wish to find love again and grow old with someone you will find that.
🙂

as for myself I am a firm believer in God and I know that all my children and grand children are all blessings from Him
I am a sinner and I  know that I could be better in my walk with God.
But I know I will go to Heaven.

I know it because for all my mistakes I know God loves me.
He has to, because of all the wonderful people He has given me to love and be loved by in my life.

🙂

If October 9th really  is my day to go, I have lived well, loved well and am a happy woman.
🙂

Please remember all, “With God all things are possible, without God nothing is”

PS: for those of you that read this, please pass it along to those who don’t.
Love you ALL!!!!

Love cherish and keep my grand children safe!
All four of them!
They are the heart of me!